Bristol Fostering

Howdy! For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies. I also work two jobs, have a passel of cats and a wild garden. Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights. Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights. I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer. Sooooooo..... Monday - no kids I'm on call this week M-Th but I've only once been asked to take a kid on a Monday. So I know its unlikely. Still the beds in the spare rooms are ready just in case. I'm not though. I'm shattered. I've come off of working nig...

I have an unusual week this week. No kids booked in yet but I do have a potential one for the weekend. If that doesn't materialise I'm sure I'll be asked for last minute care anyway. I'm on call Mon to Thurs in case of emergencies. I enjoyed doing my 'week in the life...' diary the other week so I thought I'd do another.  Monday - no kids I come off Night shifts this morning and have a stinking headache. Ive had a difficult work week and now have to stay awake instead of having a small snooze because I have a support meeting to go to at midday. Must stay awake. Must stay awake. Without my snooze all I can think about is the sleep I would have usually have had so I wasn't very chatty at support group, but I've been and everyone there was lovely. Best part, apart from seeing a couple of carers I know is the free lunch. Nutella anyone. Tomorrow my social worker is ringing about a particular child so I read the notes I have on them again an...

This is something I was wondering about. I also wonder if it is a good thing? Before a child comes stay with you typically you read a referral. This is a bit like a school report in the sense that it has an overall comment about the child and then 'strengths and weaknesses' for various subject areas such as family life, education, personal care and health etc. However this is far from a keepsake document you'll be showing your kids down the line. In fact you can't show anyone. It is completely confidential. You must not discuss its content with anyone other than your social worker, and the stuff you'll read will shock you. But I wonder over time if that shock wears off. The first referral I read surprised me a little, in the behaviours section, that is, in the child's behaviour, and at the time I was a little worried. But then as time has gone on and I've read referrals about children who I have looked after and children that didn't come to me ...

I have begun to think that if you're looking after a child that is not your own, you should give them tasks, roles and responsibilities as if they were your own kids. Not for pocket money as such, but because giving children tasks to do does many great wonders: It helps grow their sense of pride and achievement It shows you trust them  It helps children learn practical skills It helps children feel like they belong to the household if they take responsibility for part of its running It's fun! (Yes, some tasks can be fun) It helps develop communication especially listening to instructions and describing Initially when I looked after children I didn't ask them to do anything in the home at all. Not that I waited on them hand and foot, but I'd tidy up once they were in bed or had left for the weekend. Now, without fail, even the child who stays a single night I get them to do something: - Help choose what we're having for dinner / lay the table /...

Inspired by a post on The Guardian I've decided to diary my week as a respite and emergency placement carer. Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights. Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights. So.... Monday - no kids! I'm 'on call' this week Monday to Thursday for emergencies and I've got respite booked in for Fri, Sat and Sun. So I know I've really got M-Th to do all my boring stuff, housework, etc because once these kids come Fri I know they're full on. No call tonight but I'm kinda glad of that as I'm beat. I work two jobs to make fostering work. One full time on nightshifts ...

We have heard this numerous times. And each time whilst the person saying it is well meaning I feel like bopping them on the head. Lucky? Really. Lucky that they were sexually abused as a young child, filmed and the abuse put online for thousands of paedophiles to see. Lucky that their parent has become slowly more unwell and has increasingly relied on them to bring up their younger siblings to the point where they have no friends and barely go to school as they're too busy doing all the jobs mum should be doing. Lucky that their parent lost their job through no fault of their own, became depressed and turned to alcohol, becoming abusive and forgetting to do even the basics in their household, neglecting them. No children in care aren't lucky. They've experienced difficult times and been plucked from their life and asked to live with strangers in a house that looks and smells different to the one they call home. They may have to move areas and schools too. S...

If you take on a child from the day they come into care, the chances are even if they've had time to pack, they won't come with much. If they haven't had a chance to pack, for example if they were picked up from school, they'll probably come with just their school uniform and nothing else. So, you've agreed to take on a child, probably at the last minute and you know the likelihood is they'll come with very little. What do you need to have ready? And what will you buy them? For me I always have the spare room made up just in case I get called. So bed made - I use bright coloured or animal design bedding to make it more universal - clean towels and flannel, spare comb, brush and toothbrush. The room has some toys and games in it, but also room for the child to put their belongings. I look after children of a wide age range so I dont have too many clothes spare but I do have packs of underwear of different sizes as this is the main thing kids seem not ...

‘You love me, don’t you?’ Oh boy jeez. That’s a shock. It might be one of the hardest questions anyone can be asked. Love is a big deal. Whether between family members, romantic partners and even friends. But when it’s a foster child asking you what do you say? And where does the question come from? I mean is it harmless and flippant? Probably not. The child may have come from a neglected home where love has never been shown. No love between parents. No love between other family members. Just no love. And yet the child knows there is something called love, and that it can exist between parent and child. So as you’re acting in place of their parent to an extent, can you or even should you love your foster child? To me the answer is simply yes. Of course you should. You help take care of them, watch them grow, clean a scrape when they fall over and put them to bed at night. Even if you know the child will stay with you just a few months you should still ...

One of the worries I’ve heard people discuss when thinking of fostering is whether they will be supported. In essence, what support will they get if they, as the carer, are having a difficult time. We all have trying times. Whether with our own kids, the grankids, at work, or with our pesky neighbor whose dog barks early in the morning. But in most situations there is someone you can have a whinge and a moan to, or let loose with. But fostering is different. Due to issues of confidentiality you cannot go telling every Tom, Dick and Harry that young George is being a pain in the you know what this week because he saw his Dad at contact and is now confused. So, how do you get support as a carer? The main two areas of support come from social services and other carers. Every carer has their own social worker who are the first port of call.. however you may not want to email in or ring up for things that seem ‘trivial’ but are still an issue. For me soci...

We once looked after a lad who came I to care quite late. He had been on social services radar for quite some time and had a social worker, but his situation had never been quite bad enough for him to be brought into care. This boy had witnessed his grandparents and mother being beaten by his father. He had seen a man set on fire. He had been in a car crash with his siblings and drunken father. He had normalised drug taking and dealing having witnessed it daily his home. He owned very few clothes, was very skinny and small for his age. He was neglected. Since the get go.... but for years the actions of his father weren't quite enough to bring him into care. You may wonder how that is possible. I'm not one to second guess these things and assume social services would have removed him sooner if they could. The day he came into care something had happened that was the final straw. I won't go I to details, but it was severe and the council got the necessary court ...