Howdy!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies. I also work two jobs, have a passel of cats and a wild garden.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Sooooooo.....
Monday - no kids
I'm on call this week M-Th but I've only once been asked to take a kid on a Monday. So I know its unlikely. Still the beds in the spare rooms are ready just in case.
I'm not though. I'm shattered. I've come off of working nights and am very sleepy.
In the past week I've been working on my Fostering Standards (it's a workbook of your achievements in the past year) so send a copy to my social worker to see what she thinks so far.
I've got respite kids Fri, Sat and Sun so I check with their main carer collection/drop off arrangements. All good. I want to take the kids out of Bristol Saturday and so I check with their carer if this is allowed - some care agreements stipulate where a child can travel to. This is a OK. Yay! So we plan to take the kids to a wildlife park outside of Bristol.
Another carer contacts me with a problem their child is having. I know they know how to deal with it, but they just want someone else to hear they're having a problem. It's just reassurance really and sometimes that's all we need.
I'm expecting my social worker to call Tues about Hari* so I write up some notes of questions to ask.
I get on with my second job working from home. Slowly though. I'm more than weary.
Tuesday - no kids
My social worker is supposed to call at 0930 about child Hari who stayed the other weekend but fails to call. I make sure I'm somewhere private (ie home) for their call, so am a bit annoyed they havent phoned. They said they would, its even in my diary. I stay in til 1030 then go visit my family whilst I've got time to myself. One of my relatives is now in care of sorts herself (long story) so I go visit her and she's doing well.
I don't get home to really late and completely crash.
Weds - no kids
No kids came last night so its just me. I have a planned lunch with a friend which is fab. A good natter and great company. We talk about the kids (within the bounds of what is okay for me to say) and I really enjoy myself.
Social worker manages to ring whilst I'm out at lunch, but I miss their call so I plan to call back when I'm home. They tell me that Hari* isnt going to be coming back as soon as I had hoped, but we discuss another child I may have for part of Easter hols, Drederick*. I havent said yes to him as need to see his full referral too. Also I wont get a chance to meet him before he stays, if he does. So suggest he can ring me before hand if he has any questions.
Lilo and Stitch* are coming back this weekend for their fifth respite so I start to think of activities we might do.
A carer friend of mine has also put me in touch with another carer looking for three weeks' respite in July when I happen to be off work. Early stages, but that's a possibility.
Often with fostering there are more potentials that get cancelled or dont progress than those that go ahead... you get used to it, but it is a weird feeling. You read a referral, say yes, or discuss a child and say yes, and it doesnt happen. But you've become a tiny bit invested in the child... so I'm trying not to think about too much what I might do with Drederick* for a week until I know he's definately coming.
Thurs - no kids
Again no kids last night. This leaves me the day to get on with things, except I slept awfully last night. I sometimes get sleep paralysis (long story) and had it eight times in quick succession last night. So I'm shattered. I get a little snooze in but cant snooze long as need to pop out middle of the day.
Social worker rings to discuss Drederick*. There is no referral but I get enough info that its a yes for me, so myself and social worker plan his visit. Usually I like to meet kids first but wont be able to so suggest Drederick and/or his main carer can call me in the week if they have any questions.
In the evening I go out with a friend who works in social services and we talk mainly about the kids. It cant be helped. You work in the same field, albeit on different sides so naturally end up talking about the children. So many horror stories.
Fri - kids are coming!
Lilo and Stitch* are coming to visit for the weekend after school. So I've most of the day to get their rooms ready. I clean and tidy and get out their favourite toys.
Social services seem to store up all the important things til the end of the week. I received seven emails from three different people about three different children in the space of a few hours... three times more than rest of week combined.
Seems I might have a second child over Easter to, or at least part of Easter, Bob*. I know a bit about him but say I would like to meet him before he comes to stay. He would be coming same time as Drederick * and they may not mix well. Hmmm.
Also have some DIY plans for Easter whereby another carer will leave their boy Hans* with me for part of the day so he can get out the house, earn some pocket money and meet different types of people.
Lilo and Stitch* arrive as planned, are as lively as ever but get to bed on time. Tomorrow we're going out for the day and they're excited. Not everything goes smoothly. Lilo kicks one of my cats for starters but still better than last time they stayed.
Sat - kids are here and don't I know it
Lilo decides they would like to wake me up at 3am, then 5am, then 545am, and not for any real reason as such. No emergencies. House isnt on fire, they haven't hurt themselves, the apocalypse did not happen. But they wake me up anyway.
So I'm tired and grumpy but we're going out to an adventure park today. They know and are excited. We get there by bus and its quite a way... but they love buses so double winner. We take snacks and the entry fee is quite good value considering we spend about six hours at the park. They stroke animals, hold bugs and go on the giant slides.
I really should learn that these kids eyes are bigger than their stomachs though as I order us lunch but they only eat half. The kids want a toy in the gift shop that costs more than I wanted to pay, so, as I'm trying to teach them about money I tell them they can either have £1 spends each and pizza for tea tonight or £3 spends each and soup with bread or jacket potato and beans for tea. They look at each other and without conferring both say soup for tea. I dont want them to have the unrealistic expectation they can have whatever they want all the time. Money doesn't grow on trees.
We have an accident at the park though. Only a minor one and could have been so much worse. Foster kids were unhurt but I have cuts to my leg and arm. I mentally note the details because this will have to be reported to social services. And boy my leg is sore.
They get to bed on time and i'm over the moon that Stitch has picked out Two Dads as his bedtime book of his own free choice. He reads it as if having two dads is unremarkable. As it should be.
Lilo's reading is coming along and they're getting better at sounding words out.
Sunday - kids still here but going later
I've got the kids for about 10 hours from the time we get up. Lilo has been being quite defiant today and is upset that Stitch wants some alone time. They intentionally destroy small items, such as ripping up paper and sticker sheets. Maybe they want me to tell them off?
A friend of mine needs gardening help so I say I'll come over with the kids if he bribes them with lollies. It works. I get to work on his hedge whilst the kids are entertained and they love my friend's cats. When we get back to mine we only have three hours left (not counting down the clock) so we do a little bit of gardening at mine and I let them water in some seeds. They end up watering themselves mainly.
I return them to their main carer in the evening and pop round a friend's for dinner. She's a carer too and we have dinner with her foster kids. We chat for hours, literally. Its good to talk with other carers though.
I'm dog tired so I make my excuses and walk the four miles home getting in around 10pm. I have a child coming very soon so I need to turnaround one of the spare rooms. I washed the bedding during the day and so I make up the room that the boy will be in and connect the Xbox to the TV.
I've got to do the paperwork for Lilo and Stitch by close of play Monday. I would usually do it Sunday night but instead leave it until Monday.
I'm starting to find it hard when the kids leave, but don't struggle tonight. Probably too tired.
*Not their real name, obv.
More as the week goes on.
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies. I also work two jobs, have a passel of cats and a wild garden.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Sooooooo.....
Monday - no kids
I'm on call this week M-Th but I've only once been asked to take a kid on a Monday. So I know its unlikely. Still the beds in the spare rooms are ready just in case.
I'm not though. I'm shattered. I've come off of working nights and am very sleepy.
In the past week I've been working on my Fostering Standards (it's a workbook of your achievements in the past year) so send a copy to my social worker to see what she thinks so far.
I've got respite kids Fri, Sat and Sun so I check with their main carer collection/drop off arrangements. All good. I want to take the kids out of Bristol Saturday and so I check with their carer if this is allowed - some care agreements stipulate where a child can travel to. This is a OK. Yay! So we plan to take the kids to a wildlife park outside of Bristol.
Another carer contacts me with a problem their child is having. I know they know how to deal with it, but they just want someone else to hear they're having a problem. It's just reassurance really and sometimes that's all we need.
I'm expecting my social worker to call Tues about Hari* so I write up some notes of questions to ask.
I get on with my second job working from home. Slowly though. I'm more than weary.
Tuesday - no kids
My social worker is supposed to call at 0930 about child Hari who stayed the other weekend but fails to call. I make sure I'm somewhere private (ie home) for their call, so am a bit annoyed they havent phoned. They said they would, its even in my diary. I stay in til 1030 then go visit my family whilst I've got time to myself. One of my relatives is now in care of sorts herself (long story) so I go visit her and she's doing well.
I don't get home to really late and completely crash.
Weds - no kids
No kids came last night so its just me. I have a planned lunch with a friend which is fab. A good natter and great company. We talk about the kids (within the bounds of what is okay for me to say) and I really enjoy myself.
Social worker manages to ring whilst I'm out at lunch, but I miss their call so I plan to call back when I'm home. They tell me that Hari* isnt going to be coming back as soon as I had hoped, but we discuss another child I may have for part of Easter hols, Drederick*. I havent said yes to him as need to see his full referral too. Also I wont get a chance to meet him before he stays, if he does. So suggest he can ring me before hand if he has any questions.
Lilo and Stitch* are coming back this weekend for their fifth respite so I start to think of activities we might do.
A carer friend of mine has also put me in touch with another carer looking for three weeks' respite in July when I happen to be off work. Early stages, but that's a possibility.
Often with fostering there are more potentials that get cancelled or dont progress than those that go ahead... you get used to it, but it is a weird feeling. You read a referral, say yes, or discuss a child and say yes, and it doesnt happen. But you've become a tiny bit invested in the child... so I'm trying not to think about too much what I might do with Drederick* for a week until I know he's definately coming.
Thurs - no kids
Again no kids last night. This leaves me the day to get on with things, except I slept awfully last night. I sometimes get sleep paralysis (long story) and had it eight times in quick succession last night. So I'm shattered. I get a little snooze in but cant snooze long as need to pop out middle of the day.
Social worker rings to discuss Drederick*. There is no referral but I get enough info that its a yes for me, so myself and social worker plan his visit. Usually I like to meet kids first but wont be able to so suggest Drederick and/or his main carer can call me in the week if they have any questions.
In the evening I go out with a friend who works in social services and we talk mainly about the kids. It cant be helped. You work in the same field, albeit on different sides so naturally end up talking about the children. So many horror stories.
Fri - kids are coming!
Lilo and Stitch* are coming to visit for the weekend after school. So I've most of the day to get their rooms ready. I clean and tidy and get out their favourite toys.
Social services seem to store up all the important things til the end of the week. I received seven emails from three different people about three different children in the space of a few hours... three times more than rest of week combined.
Seems I might have a second child over Easter to, or at least part of Easter, Bob*. I know a bit about him but say I would like to meet him before he comes to stay. He would be coming same time as Drederick * and they may not mix well. Hmmm.
Also have some DIY plans for Easter whereby another carer will leave their boy Hans* with me for part of the day so he can get out the house, earn some pocket money and meet different types of people.
Lilo and Stitch* arrive as planned, are as lively as ever but get to bed on time. Tomorrow we're going out for the day and they're excited. Not everything goes smoothly. Lilo kicks one of my cats for starters but still better than last time they stayed.
Sat - kids are here and don't I know it
Lilo decides they would like to wake me up at 3am, then 5am, then 545am, and not for any real reason as such. No emergencies. House isnt on fire, they haven't hurt themselves, the apocalypse did not happen. But they wake me up anyway.
So I'm tired and grumpy but we're going out to an adventure park today. They know and are excited. We get there by bus and its quite a way... but they love buses so double winner. We take snacks and the entry fee is quite good value considering we spend about six hours at the park. They stroke animals, hold bugs and go on the giant slides.
I really should learn that these kids eyes are bigger than their stomachs though as I order us lunch but they only eat half. The kids want a toy in the gift shop that costs more than I wanted to pay, so, as I'm trying to teach them about money I tell them they can either have £1 spends each and pizza for tea tonight or £3 spends each and soup with bread or jacket potato and beans for tea. They look at each other and without conferring both say soup for tea. I dont want them to have the unrealistic expectation they can have whatever they want all the time. Money doesn't grow on trees.
We have an accident at the park though. Only a minor one and could have been so much worse. Foster kids were unhurt but I have cuts to my leg and arm. I mentally note the details because this will have to be reported to social services. And boy my leg is sore.
They get to bed on time and i'm over the moon that Stitch has picked out Two Dads as his bedtime book of his own free choice. He reads it as if having two dads is unremarkable. As it should be.
Lilo's reading is coming along and they're getting better at sounding words out.
Sunday - kids still here but going later
I've got the kids for about 10 hours from the time we get up. Lilo has been being quite defiant today and is upset that Stitch wants some alone time. They intentionally destroy small items, such as ripping up paper and sticker sheets. Maybe they want me to tell them off?
A friend of mine needs gardening help so I say I'll come over with the kids if he bribes them with lollies. It works. I get to work on his hedge whilst the kids are entertained and they love my friend's cats. When we get back to mine we only have three hours left (not counting down the clock) so we do a little bit of gardening at mine and I let them water in some seeds. They end up watering themselves mainly.
I return them to their main carer in the evening and pop round a friend's for dinner. She's a carer too and we have dinner with her foster kids. We chat for hours, literally. Its good to talk with other carers though.
I'm dog tired so I make my excuses and walk the four miles home getting in around 10pm. I have a child coming very soon so I need to turnaround one of the spare rooms. I washed the bedding during the day and so I make up the room that the boy will be in and connect the Xbox to the TV.
I've got to do the paperwork for Lilo and Stitch by close of play Monday. I would usually do it Sunday night but instead leave it until Monday.
I'm starting to find it hard when the kids leave, but don't struggle tonight. Probably too tired.
*Not their real name, obv.
More as the week goes on.
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
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