Bristol Fostering

So it's that time again. The start of a new year, and we think, 'hey, maybe I should eat better' or 'let's get fit and go to the gym'. Or a million other things that we may stick to for a few days or even weeks, or if you're lucky, over a year. But, one thing you could do that will have a lasting positive effect on yourself, your family and many needy kids, is give fostering a try. You may be really worries, or anxious, or just confused about the application process. It is long, but rightly so, but when you've gone through it all, what you get out of it is worth the hassle a million times over. You get to help a child who maybe has never had anyone be kind to them, ever. They may be used to be beaten, abused, talked down to, having no toys or things to call their own. They may have seen horrific things and normalised drug use. But you have the opportunity to give the child a safe clean place in which they can safetly sleep and play. You c

If we could turn back time (cue cheesy music) and receive advice before we started fostering, I wonder what kind of tips we would find handy. This is perplexing because we're not like any other foster carer. In fact, they're all different, with their own backgrounds, skills and experiences. Our homes are all different, from the size, location, content and even smell. The children we look after are all unique and special in their own way. Their histories all vary, and even though we look after kids from the Bristol area, Bristol itself is diverse, marking and shaping these kids in varying ways. The kids all have their own personalities, likes and dislikes. Some will be big or small (usually small tbh) for their age... some will be bright, some will be a bit behind in school. Some will love your roast dinner, and others wont even sit still long enough to try your Yorkshire puddings. Given the variety of carers and the range of children who need looking after, giving tips

Someone once told me the aims of fostering were twofold. Firstly, and more importantly, a foster carer in looking after a child in care is providing a safe place for them. Somewhere where they won't be hit by Dad, or won't see Mum take drugs. Somewhere where their possessions are respected and clothes won't be sold off. for peanuts. Somewhere they have time and space to do their schoolwork, play with friends and be able to sleep safely at night, knowing no one will sneak into their room. The second aim, which in the long run one could argue is more important, is to let the child you're looking after be a kid again. Many children coming into care have seen and experienced things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, and these events have made the child grow up beyond their years. A lot of children with siblings will have cooked and cleaned before coming into care. Even eight year olds may have looked after their younger siblings. I've known 10 year o

In fostering, sometimes placements are planned with the child coming into care over a transition period, giving them time to adjust and pack their belongings, and giving their new carer time to get ready, but increasingly more often than not it is last minute. And for good reason too. Social services may have just taken a call from the police who've been to a property following a domestic situation, to go in and find evidence of drug use and unsanitary conditions with children in the home. With the right court order in place for their own safety the children may be (temporarily) brought into care at very short notice. This is the mild end. There are more horrific reasons - a child turning up at school complaining their bottom hurts or that mummy had lots of strange friends over last night doing scary things making loud noises in the bedroom. The list goes on, and on, and on, unfortunately. But serious situations require swift action, even if it ends up being a false alarm a

Unfortunately not every day of fostering is a good day. Some kids you look after are troubled, and need extra guidance. Sometimes you, as the carer, do everything right, and things still go wrong. We have a kid at the mo who is into knife crime. Like all carers our knives and other dangerous items are locked away, and boundaries and rules have been set to minimise the risk to ourselves. But despite that, they still managed to steal some knives over the weekend then took them to school. They will be sanctioned by social services and there will be negative consequences. However what's more important to us, is getting this kid back on the right path. Why did they steal? What did they think they were going to do with the weapons? Why do they think they need them? What are the alternatives? How can we help them escape crime and point them in the right direction? These are big questions, and there will be a series of small steps put in place to hopefully turn them around. T

Gangs. It's such a loaded word. And for good reason. We hear on the news about knife gangs, moped gangs, gangs 'roaming the streets'. but what's it like in reality? How does it feel to know a child you look after is getting sucked into one? There are many people looking after a child in care, not just their foster carer and social worker, and even with all that support they can still get sucked in, especially if they're vulnerable. Gangs, whether 'serious' or violent, or just 'a bit of fun', give a sense of belonging and comfort that a vulnerable child may be seeking. A child we sometimes look after is involved in gangs, at a low level. They know the negative and serious consequences of their invovlement, but you can't watch a child all the time. You can't shut them in and protect them 24/7. Ultimately, sometimes all you can do is guide and advise, set boundaries and hope they pull through. Sounds like giving up, but if you're

You grieve, your pets grieve. Your social worker offers a sympathetic smile. 'No one's died' she jokes. But to you, you have still lost a child. You may have only known that child for a few days. Or perhaps they stayed with you a decade. Regardless of the length of time you grieve for that child. You miss them. Even if they've left you for a positive reason, such as adoption, or going home to mum and dad, you really do miss them. You may not realise you do. But a month after they've left you find yourself wondering what they're doing right now. Are they still in school? Have they gotten their girlfriend pregnant? - that pretty young thing he was talking about. Is there football injury on the mend? Do they still fight with their little sister? You may have a few mementos. Perhaps pictures they've drawn stuck to the fridge door, or broken toy you never got round to fixing. When they packed their bag perhaps they forgot a tshirt. When your next chil

Most kids love fun days out and trips. Whether your own kids, your little nieces and nephews, your foster kids, and their friends, having a day trip out can be special and really fun. A reward for being good all week or a birthday treat. Taking your foster kids out can be both rewarding and terrifying as the foster parent especially the first time. You worry, perhaps over-worry. How will they react to strangers? Are they good in social situations? If they were previously subject to grooming will a special treat appear in their eyes similar to the treats they were groomed with? Do they even know how to play? Many kids who come into care haven't had a proper childhood, so going out for a treat, even just to the park, might seem strange to them, let alone going to a 'big' treat like the zoo. We've all made mistakes. One of mine at the very beginning was taking two respite children (that I was having for two days) out to an activity centre where the children were gi

Got a burning question about fostering? Anxious about an issue? Below are some Q&As we hope will help. If you have any other questions please leave a comment. Note the answers are from our experiences and there might be some slight variations nationally. Q. Do I have to own a house to foster? A. No, you can be buying or renting. Q. Do I have to have a spare room to foster? A. Yes. It's really important that the child has their own room, to give them privacy and space, and also to benefit yourself and your family. Q. Can I be LGBT+ and foster? A. Yes, of course. It would be illegal for you to be discriminated against, and your sexual orientation or gender identity are no barrier. In fact, they can a huge advantage. E.g. there could be a child scared of women, but being with a male couple would benefit them, as the child will be looked after by men. Q. Can I have a lodger and foster? A. Yes, but the lodger would have to be DBS checked and interviewed. Once you sta

Some friends of mine were asking me about fostering. They were curious. What does it entail? Who do you look after? Why do you do it? When you have these types of conversations, as soon as you say you look after teenagers many people reel back and exclaim 'you're crazy, why would you do that?' We at Bristol Fostering don't solely look after teenagers but predominantly, and to be honest, despite the hormones, strops, dating, school exams and navigating the world between childhood and adulthood, we find teenagers much easier to look after than little ones. Whilst their are some downsides to looking after teens (the aforementioned hormones for one) there are many pluses but many people are afraid to look after teens. Got to be honest the best bit is they need more sleep. Not that they're lazy, but their bodies, especially their brains, crave more sleep than youngsters. They literally need more sleep in order to develop properly, so unlike the average seven ye

What if your only possession was a teddy, a book or a photo? How would you feel if you had to leave the only home you've ever known with a stranger, and then be taken to another stranger's home, to live with a group of people who are all brand new and perhaps scary to you. Not all, but a good proportion of kids enter care with just a small amount of belongings. This could be because they've entered care as an emergency and there wasn't the opportunity to grab much, or it could simply be because the child didn't have many clothes or toys in the first place, so even though their placement is planned, they have limited possessions to call their own. Imagine how you would feel if you were 10 years old, brought to a stranger's home where you could be living for just a day to up to many years. You're not sure what is happening to you, it's all new, but what you do know is that despite the negative situation you were in, you still love mummy and daddy and y

So, you've been approved as a foster carer, and know somepoint soon a child will be placed with you. You're nervous, worried but joyful. You want it to go well; you want to be a great carer for the child coming to you, but it's a strange paradox, because you wouldn't want any child to have to come into care. You've tidied, cleaned, know your home is safe and secure. You've got an age range in mind, so you've bought some toys, books and maybe some clothes, but until you get that call, you don't know who you're getting. And that call. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And then it's an email. Depending on who you're fostering with, the placement team will contact you with a mixture of emails and/or phone calls. For me, I usually get an email with a profile of a child and some information, and then email back if I think that child fits my situation, then the social worker rings me to discuss. I'm sure some councils operate mainly via pho

Someone once told me that if just 1% of LGBT+ adults in the UK fostered then there would be no national shortage of foster carers. Unfortunately the situation is bleak - there are far more kids in care than foster carers available. You may come under the LGBT+ umbrella and would like to do something to help children but haven't considered fostering yet. Or you may have looked into it, tentatively, but not taken the plunge yet. You may be worried, apprehensive or even scared. Well.. For starters your application will not be treated negatively due to your gender identity or sexual orientation. It's illegal for one. As it happens I to come under the LGBT+ spectrum and my social worker couldn't have given a monkeys. In a good way. It was a complete non-issue. In fact during my assessment those many moons ago it was a positive - because I'd be able to identify and help LGBT+ youth in care. Maybe you're worried about how any child who comes into your care will r

So, you're curious, but also worried. You're thinking, what will the approval process be like? What will they want to know about me, my life, and if you have them, children and partner? Is the process long? It is intrusive? I bet you will have all sorts of questions. I know I did. I was lucky. I had friends who had been through the process and so I had a bit of a heads up. Whilst the application process will vary slightly depending on your local authority or agency, there are some aspects that are (near) universal. Below is meant as a guide. It might not be perfect but if you do apply, hopefully they'll be less surprises. It seems daunting but your council or agency will help you through it. Firstly, after expressing an interest either in person, online or on the phone, you'll probably have a short phone conversation and then an invite to an information evening. These are informal. Usually some slides, a short talk and handouts, followed by a Q&A. With bis

Fostering, it is difficult. Extremely rewarding, but just like raising any child, difficult. We all need breaks, from work, from our loved ones, from friends and family. Just to be. Be ourselves, recharge, think, relax, and find time to ourselves. If you foster full time this can be hard to achieve. One way this is made possible is through respite care - this is where a child who is looked after goes to another foster carer for a short period. Usually from one day up to one week. If you'd love to be that special person who decides to foster but cannot commit to it full time at present, perhaps because of your family or work situation, then respite could be the perfect solution for you. Most councils or agencies are pretty flexible because they understand how vital it is to have respite carers on their books to provide their full time carers those precious opportunities to recharge. Giving a full time carer a break can make all the difference between the carer feeling posi

You know, since I became a foster carer I've had friends, friends of friends, relatives and people I've met out at clubs and parties say 'I would love to foster but I dont think I can.' True there are some minimal requirements and a few things that will stop people from fostering, but the list isn't as demanding as some think. So, what do you need? 1. A spare bedroom. Any child in care must have their own bedroom for their benefit, and for that of other children and adults in the home. 2. Time and space in your life. Do you have the time to look after a child? Will it work with your current set up? Will you need to make changes? Can you afford to make any changes? Are you physically able to look after a child? 3. Love. Can you love and help nurture a child that isn't yours? Children in care are often the most vulnerable who need our love and support. Whilst they may not always show it, they, deep down, appreciate the love and care they receive. So, can

Where to start? With details about me, about the kids I look after and will look after in the years to come? With the answers to the questions you're undoubtedly thinking? Can I foster? Am I too young or old? Do I have to be in a relationship? Can I be LGBT+ and foster? Do I have to own my own home? Well, first off, understandably I wont be able to share the details of any kids in my care. Privacy is paramount. Instead I will offer tidbits and snapshots and little insights that I hope you find helpful. About the title... well I am based in Bristol, UK, a city which I love, and whose people I adore. But, like every town and city in the UK, there are not enough foster carers. I hope that by reading this blog you may be spurred into picking up that phone and making an inquiry with your local authority, or you fill in that online form, or attend a local drop in meeting. Btw I'm not tied to any agency or authority, this is my own brainwave. The first step, as they say, i