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Foster care advice... what do you want to know?

If we could turn back time (cue cheesy music) and receive advice before we started fostering, I wonder what kind of tips we would find handy.

This is perplexing because we're not like any other foster carer. In fact, they're all different, with their own backgrounds, skills and experiences. Our homes are all different, from the size, location, content and even smell.

The children we look after are all unique and special in their own way. Their histories all vary, and even though we look after kids from the Bristol area, Bristol itself is diverse, marking and shaping these kids in varying ways.

The kids all have their own personalities, likes and dislikes. Some will be big or small (usually small tbh) for their age... some will be bright, some will be a bit behind in school. Some will love your roast dinner, and others wont even sit still long enough to try your Yorkshire puddings.

Given the variety of carers and the range of children who need looking after, giving tips and advice is hard.

But if we had to roll back the clock and could ask 'the fostering fairy' for five bits of advice we would want to know:

1) What will the child be like?
2) What kind of background will the child have come from?
3) Will the child like me and my home?
4) Will they get bored at mine? Will they like the things we do in my home?
5) How long will they stay? Will I miss them when they're gone?

But then, these questions cannot be answered beforehand. You have to wait until the child turns up.

Sure you can get some information from a referral or their social worker, but that's just words on a page, and compared to the reality does not mean much, really.

I guess the main thing is to expect the unexpected... but then that doesn't help either.

Sorry.

OK there are some things you can do before a child turns up.

Ask questions of your social worker and their social worker. Read the referral and if there is something on it you do not understand, then ask someone. If there is a medical or social services term you don't know, Google it and inform yourself.

You can also have the basics of a room sorted that are universal and appropriate for any child, even if you don't know who is going to turn up at the last minute.

- Clean bedding, towels, toiletries, toothbrush etc
- Some toys. Don't worry too much about being 'age appropriate'. I've know 15yos play with dolls and 17yos snuggle up to teddies.
- Some space. Place for the child to put their belongings (away) and room for them to think. Even if the child is in the box room, you can try and make it both welcoming but relaxing - not too jumbled.

Okay, okay, so not the best advice... but it is so hard to prepare. Fostering is the kind of thing you have to experience, not worry about beforehand.

Being a foster carer is fun and challenging, exhausting but exhilarating.

We're learning all the time, but if you have questions do ask. Ask us, ask your friends, ask your social worker, and ask other carers. We're all on the same team.

Towels though. I've come to realise kids use way more towels than you think they would. Showers, drying their hair, spilling their drink all over the floor. Buy more towels. That's our advice.

All the best, Bristol Fostering

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NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form

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