What if your only possession was a teddy, a book or a photo? How would you feel if you had to leave the only home you've ever known with a stranger, and then be taken to another stranger's home, to live with a group of people who are all brand new and perhaps scary to you.
Not all, but a good proportion of kids enter care with just a small amount of belongings. This could be because they've entered care as an emergency and there wasn't the opportunity to grab much, or it could simply be because the child didn't have many clothes or toys in the first place, so even though their placement is planned, they have limited possessions to call their own.
Imagine how you would feel if you were 10 years old, brought to a stranger's home where you could be living for just a day to up to many years. You're not sure what is happening to you, it's all new, but what you do know is that despite the negative situation you were in, you still love mummy and daddy and you miss your old bed. It smells of you and your cat you had to leave behind. You brought with you a small amount of clothes, a teddy bear, a photo of your family and an array of confused thoughts.
Then your carers take you out the next day and buy you a whole new wardrobe, a bundle of new toys and expect you to be happy. Your teddy that smelt of home is put through the wash because to everyone else it smelt like urine and decay and that photo of mummy gets accidentally trampled on.
Scratch that.
That shouldn't happen.
Yes, any incoming child is likely to need some additions to their wardrobe, but they should be just that. Those clothes they're wearing are a connection to home and were most likely purchased by parents that the child sorely misses. You should top up their wardrobe, not replace it.
That teddy bear that to you smells foul is a comfort especially during the first days and nights with you because your home smells different, and not like the home they knew. Maybe down the line ask the child if they'd like teddy to be cleaned. Maybe you can bath teddy together in the sink, but certainly don't do it on the sly. You're washing out memories.
That one photo of their family needs to be treasured, not cast aside. Frame it, treat it with respect. If its appropriate for the child, let that family photo take pride of place in their room.
Those toys and books you buy the child, may not always be as appreciated as you'd expect, because they could remind the child of what they didn't have at home. Do pick up items for the child, but perhaps start out small, and then ask the child what they'd like so the toy is special for them. Maybe take them to a charity shop and give them pocket money to pick out some toys to play with, but don't bombard them.
Remember moving into care for some will be a shock, and going from their previous life to one full of toys, fun and games could cause problems in itself.
I once had a young lad who had been with a different carer for 10 days before me, and brought to mine some of his old clothes, and a few new items his first carer had purchased. One of his most prized possessions was a broken comb. Faded, dented and a few teeth missing. We'd gone shopping for toiletries and care products and he had the opportunity to pick out a new comb, but he still wanted to use his old one. It came from home you see. When he eventually got a new comb, he still kept the old one next to his bedroom mirror. That possession was one of the few items stemming from his earlier life and it meant a lot to him. When he left me he took it with him to his next carer, but left the new comb I'd bought him. That old comb was a link to home.
You may then be wondering, what things, what possessions does a new child need then when they come to your house to help them settle in. This is my essentials list, yours may be slightly different, and it will vary by age too. But in addition to the items they bring with them I would have ready:
The key thing though is that you're honouring their possessions and topping up what they brought with them, not replacing their possessions and links to their past. Memories, even if they prove painful, are important.
Remember to cherish your foster kid's belongings.
Love Bristol Fostering.
Check out are FB Here
PS There are some organisations who provide bags for children coming into care with the kind of items mentioned above. These are usually donated to social services and given by social services to the child. One of these orgs in the Bristol area is Comfort U Bags. Donate. Help them out.
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
Not all, but a good proportion of kids enter care with just a small amount of belongings. This could be because they've entered care as an emergency and there wasn't the opportunity to grab much, or it could simply be because the child didn't have many clothes or toys in the first place, so even though their placement is planned, they have limited possessions to call their own.
Imagine how you would feel if you were 10 years old, brought to a stranger's home where you could be living for just a day to up to many years. You're not sure what is happening to you, it's all new, but what you do know is that despite the negative situation you were in, you still love mummy and daddy and you miss your old bed. It smells of you and your cat you had to leave behind. You brought with you a small amount of clothes, a teddy bear, a photo of your family and an array of confused thoughts.
Then your carers take you out the next day and buy you a whole new wardrobe, a bundle of new toys and expect you to be happy. Your teddy that smelt of home is put through the wash because to everyone else it smelt like urine and decay and that photo of mummy gets accidentally trampled on.
Scratch that.
That shouldn't happen.
Yes, any incoming child is likely to need some additions to their wardrobe, but they should be just that. Those clothes they're wearing are a connection to home and were most likely purchased by parents that the child sorely misses. You should top up their wardrobe, not replace it.
That teddy bear that to you smells foul is a comfort especially during the first days and nights with you because your home smells different, and not like the home they knew. Maybe down the line ask the child if they'd like teddy to be cleaned. Maybe you can bath teddy together in the sink, but certainly don't do it on the sly. You're washing out memories.
That one photo of their family needs to be treasured, not cast aside. Frame it, treat it with respect. If its appropriate for the child, let that family photo take pride of place in their room.
Those toys and books you buy the child, may not always be as appreciated as you'd expect, because they could remind the child of what they didn't have at home. Do pick up items for the child, but perhaps start out small, and then ask the child what they'd like so the toy is special for them. Maybe take them to a charity shop and give them pocket money to pick out some toys to play with, but don't bombard them.
Remember moving into care for some will be a shock, and going from their previous life to one full of toys, fun and games could cause problems in itself.
I once had a young lad who had been with a different carer for 10 days before me, and brought to mine some of his old clothes, and a few new items his first carer had purchased. One of his most prized possessions was a broken comb. Faded, dented and a few teeth missing. We'd gone shopping for toiletries and care products and he had the opportunity to pick out a new comb, but he still wanted to use his old one. It came from home you see. When he eventually got a new comb, he still kept the old one next to his bedroom mirror. That possession was one of the few items stemming from his earlier life and it meant a lot to him. When he left me he took it with him to his next carer, but left the new comb I'd bought him. That old comb was a link to home.
You may then be wondering, what things, what possessions does a new child need then when they come to your house to help them settle in. This is my essentials list, yours may be slightly different, and it will vary by age too. But in addition to the items they bring with them I would have ready:
- Toothbrush, brush, comb, deodorant, hair bands/clips, shampoo/conditioner, sanitary products
- Soft toy and/or doll or action figure, colouring set
- Book or comic
- Some snacks to put in their room. They may not touch them, but having them could be a comfort
- Towel, flannel, blanket
- Night lite for their room
After the child arrives and you realise you're going to have them for a good while, go to the shops and pick up those extra clothes to add to their wardrobe, and I'd recommend getting them to pick out some bedding and a towel and flannel just for them.
These should be theirs to keep and use as they wish.
The key thing though is that you're honouring their possessions and topping up what they brought with them, not replacing their possessions and links to their past. Memories, even if they prove painful, are important.
Remember to cherish your foster kid's belongings.
Love Bristol Fostering.
Check out are FB Here
PS There are some organisations who provide bags for children coming into care with the kind of items mentioned above. These are usually donated to social services and given by social services to the child. One of these orgs in the Bristol area is Comfort U Bags. Donate. Help them out.
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
Comments
Post a Comment