You grieve, your pets grieve.
Your social worker offers a sympathetic smile.
'No one's died' she jokes.
But to you, you have still lost a child. You may have only known that child for a few days. Or perhaps they stayed with you a decade. Regardless of the length of time you grieve for that child.
You miss them. Even if they've left you for a positive reason, such as adoption, or going home to mum and dad, you really do miss them.
You may not realise you do. But a month after they've left you find yourself wondering what they're doing right now. Are they still in school? Have they gotten their girlfriend pregnant? - that pretty young thing he was talking about. Is there football injury on the mend? Do they still fight with their little sister?
You may have a few mementos. Perhaps pictures they've drawn stuck to the fridge door, or broken toy you never got round to fixing. When they packed their bag perhaps they forgot a tshirt. When your next child came maybe they don't like the same duvet cover Tom once liked.
When you foster you have to be prepared for little losses. Maybe you think you'll be okay, and that you 'won't mind' when a child leaves you. However in my experience you miss every one of the children you looked after. Sure, some of them will fade more into distant memories than others, but ultimately it seems to me that a caring foster carer should love the child they look after - even if it is just for a couple of days - and that it's natural for the carer to miss the child.
If you do struggle with a child leaving you, do seek help. Don't suffer in silence. Speak to your social worker for starters. Many local authorities offer counselling to carers who struggle with a child moving on.
It part of fostering though. Unfortunately. If you foster, children will leave your care, and if you do short term fostering, there will be many kids you'll look after one day, and not see the next.
It requires a special someone, and that someone could be you.
Your social worker offers a sympathetic smile.
'No one's died' she jokes.
But to you, you have still lost a child. You may have only known that child for a few days. Or perhaps they stayed with you a decade. Regardless of the length of time you grieve for that child.
You miss them. Even if they've left you for a positive reason, such as adoption, or going home to mum and dad, you really do miss them.
You may not realise you do. But a month after they've left you find yourself wondering what they're doing right now. Are they still in school? Have they gotten their girlfriend pregnant? - that pretty young thing he was talking about. Is there football injury on the mend? Do they still fight with their little sister?
You may have a few mementos. Perhaps pictures they've drawn stuck to the fridge door, or broken toy you never got round to fixing. When they packed their bag perhaps they forgot a tshirt. When your next child came maybe they don't like the same duvet cover Tom once liked.
When you foster you have to be prepared for little losses. Maybe you think you'll be okay, and that you 'won't mind' when a child leaves you. However in my experience you miss every one of the children you looked after. Sure, some of them will fade more into distant memories than others, but ultimately it seems to me that a caring foster carer should love the child they look after - even if it is just for a couple of days - and that it's natural for the carer to miss the child.
If you do struggle with a child leaving you, do seek help. Don't suffer in silence. Speak to your social worker for starters. Many local authorities offer counselling to carers who struggle with a child moving on.
It part of fostering though. Unfortunately. If you foster, children will leave your care, and if you do short term fostering, there will be many kids you'll look after one day, and not see the next.
It requires a special someone, and that someone could be you.
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