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Week in the life of a respite foster carer 2

I have an unusual week this week. No kids booked in yet but I do have a potential one for the weekend. If that doesn't materialise I'm sure I'll be asked for last minute care anyway.

I'm on call Mon to Thurs in case of emergencies.

I enjoyed doing my 'week in the life...' diary the other week so I thought I'd do another. 

Monday - no kids

I come off Night shifts this morning and have a stinking headache. Ive had a difficult work week and now have to stay awake instead of having a small snooze because I have a support meeting to go to at midday.

Must stay awake. Must stay awake.

Without my snooze all I can think about is the sleep I would have usually have had so I wasn't very chatty at support group, but I've been and everyone there was lovely. Best part, apart from seeing a couple of carers I know is the free lunch. Nutella anyone.

Tomorrow my social worker is ringing about a particular child so I read the notes I have on them again and think of some questions.

I'm shattered though. I stay awake til 10pm ish then sleep poorly from being over tired.

No kids today at least.

Tues - no kids

We didn't get asked for any kids last night which is good as we are still mightily sleepy. I have a phone appointment with my social worker to discuss a meet and greet we are doing on Weds. All seems well and we know the score for the intros.

As there are no kids today I use the quiet time to go visit family which made for a good little break.

I'm meeting a new foster child (new to me that is) Weds and am quite nervous. I've worked out how to get there and have a number of questions for their carer. We will have to wait and see how it goes.

Also we outed ourselves to another carer today. That was interesting. They, obviously, didnt give a monkeys. We were talking - ok gossiping - about LGBT carers - and myself came up in conversation. Hehe.

Weds - no kids

Didnt get asked to have any kids today I still have a fairly busy day.

I've been trying to tidy up the winter mess in my garden before the spring sees a spurt with everything growing so that I remain H&S complaint. I've mainly been tidying up the paths to remove trip hazards (overgrown plants etc) and then removing some plants from my beds that try to grow back constantly or seed themselves - mainly brambles. Just trying to reduce the risk of injury for when kids start running around the garden once its warmer.

I work from home for most of the day around spurts of my intermittent gardening.

Late afternoon I hop over to the other side of town to meet a carer and their child - the carer needs breaks and usually for respite you meet the child and their carer first before agreeing to have them stay. The child is pretty much I expected from reading their paperwork. They oscillate between very chatty to completely clammed up. At the moment I say yes to having them stay for the weekend but there are a few minor things that need ironing out first so we'll have to see if they come over or not. The child doesn't really want to go to respite but sometimes its needed more for the carer than the child. I find out the child's likes and dislikes, habits and behaviours and take over some photos of my house and cats to show them.

In the evening I chat with another foster carer about the child (this is okay; confidentiality is very important but other foster carers are within that 'circle of trust') and its good to bounce ideas back and forth about how best to care for them. They give me some good insights from their own experiences of similar children.


Thurs - no kids, but nearly kids

No kids again last night so I have the day largely to myself. I get on with working from home and doing bits and bobs. Got a friend coming over for tea later on... or so I thought.

My social worker rings to double check how I felt about the child I met on Weds. I say its a yes from me but added safety precautions need to be put in place; that's no problem. I get the drop off /collection info so we're good to go.

I see on the group email a room is needed for a boy for tonight. I'm really tempted because I have a spare room tonight, but I have a friend coming over later and for a new child it might be too much meeting two new adults in one go, so i don't put my name in the hat for this child. I regret it later when my friend cancels as I know I could have helped out, even just for the night.

Still I know I've got Hari* coming tomorrow for a long weekend so I think of things we might do together and get the spare room ready.

*Not their real name obviously

Fri - kids! well kid

So today child came. They were dropped off by 'transport' AKA a taxi service for kids in care. They didnt say a word to the driver, apparently because they thought I was picking them up and were confused/disapointed it was someone else.

Initially Hari wouldn't get out the car but when they saw me and then the cats they perked right up. We went out for burgers for their first night as a treat which they enjoyed. They got off to bed with no hiccups but I know kids are generally in two camps first night - either super good (because they're worried, nervous etc) or super naughty (and it's not really naughty as such; its anger or frustration usually). The kids that are good might be holding back their true feelings too, which can boil over later when they're comfortable enough with you to let you know how they truly feel. It's swings and roundabouts.

Still Friday over, kid safely in bed with a cat on their duvet too.
 
Sat - kid's still here; haven't lost them yet

Kid woke up early today but rather than waking me up, read in bed in the morning. Such a relief compared to last respite kid.

Respite kid wants to play football all day but I'm old and decrepit so manage two hours in the morning and a further two after lunch. Our legs ache so so much afterwards.

Generally we have a good day with Hari, though they don't eat much and ask for tomato ketchup sandwiches for lunch. This may have been something they had before they came into care. We oblige and they enjoy them.

Before bed we play some more games. They really enjoy one on one attention. This again could be related to neglect before care, but sometimes you can overthink things. The bottom line is they really enjoy games and so do we.

Bedtime goes off without any fuss and Hari asks if they can visit again. We say we'll have to talk to their main carer.

Sun - kid is still here but not for too much longer

Hari goes back to their main carer before dinner time, so we have around eight hours to fill (or kill) before then. After breakfast we play yet more football (how much can one possibly play?) and then settle down to board games before their carer picks them up late afternoon.

That's it, respite done for the weekend.

Hari was a very interesting child and we're looking forward to seeing how they develop and grow as time goes on.

After they go we clean up and write our notes for social services, saying we think the visit went well and they're welcome back for future respite if needed.

I find it hard when kids go. Not really sure why - haven't put my finger on it yet - but I know I do. So I get hold of my fostering buddy (yes, literally like the buddy system) and talk it over with them which helps. That's it, respite done for another week.


All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form




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