Little steps, big responsibilities

I have begun to think that if you're looking after a child that is not your own, you should give them tasks, roles and responsibilities as if they were your own kids.

Not for pocket money as such, but because giving children tasks to do does many great wonders:

• It helps grow their sense of pride and achievement
• It shows you trust them 
• It helps children learn practical skills
• It helps children feel like they belong to the household if they take responsibility for part of its running
• It's fun! (Yes, some tasks can be fun)
• It helps develop communication especially listening to instructions and describing

Initially when I looked after children I didn't ask them to do anything in the home at all. Not that I waited on them hand and foot, but I'd tidy up once they were in bed or had left for the weekend.

Now, without fail, even the child who stays a single night I get them to do something: -

• Help choose what we're having for dinner / lay the table / clear the table / wash up / wipe up
• Help feed the cats / wash their bowls / comb them when they need it
• Help take the bins or recycling out
• Help make their beds / tidy their room / put their toys away
• Help unpack or pack their belongings / help doing laundry 
• Help me out with my mailorder business by putting stamps on envelopes and going to the postbox
• Help cooking dinner and pudding
• etc

And outside the home I try to give them little tasks, which regular kids seem to remember and ask to do again and again: -

• Pick where we're eating out at the weekend
• Check the bus timetable for the next bus to town/home
• Carry the shopping bag to and from Tesco / help with the food shop
• etc

I've had a seven year old who can read a bus schedule with ease, knows how to scan their own bus ticket and checkout food items at Tesco self service.

I've had a six year old who knows bin day is Monday and therefore Sundays they help sort the recycling and bins out, even helping drag the wheelie bin to the front.

I've had teens confident enough to go up to the waiter in a restaurant and ask to be seated and later for the bill. 

I've had a boy go from not knowing how to boil a pan of water for pasta, to cooking us all burgers, chips and salad. Yes, not Michelin star, but its a big step up from not even knowing how to turn an oven ring on.

I've had a teen come not knowing how to read the time at all, to him deciding what time we need to leave the house to catch the bus to town. 

These may all seem like silly little things, but you must remember often kids in care have come from neglect where there may not have been enough food, clean clothes or bedding, and the children may have had no autonomy at all. So to be encouraged to learn skills and take responsibility for parts of their lives matters.

I have an example.

I looked after a child for a few weeks. At the end of their first week I asked for all their white / pale clothes for one wash, and then all their darks for another wash. I had to go into their room for the clothes despite the child knowing their was a laundry basket in the hallway. Clothes were washed, dried and put back in their room.

They then asked if I could wash their sheets for them, so I did, duly dried it and they put it back on their bed - they told me they didn't even have sheets at home.

Following weekend, I didn't even have to ask for the clothes and the child told me eagerly they'd put all their white wash in the hamper and left the darks next to it so I didn't have to sort the clothes out. I washed and dried their clothes and again put them back in their room, and did their bedding afterwards.

Third weekend child again had sorted their washing for the week out, but this time asked me how to put the machine on, and why I was washing whites and darks separately. I explained the machine's settings and they turned it on themselves.

So, so what? Big deal?

The child came from a home where their clothes weren't washed regularly, and where they didn't have sheets but just slept on a bare mattress. Over the course of three weeks they started to take responsibility for washing their clothes, and therefore part of their personal appearance, and I would suggest that helps build pride and resilience. 

If we can build up these little steps in the children we look after, the responsibility for themselves becomes great. You're helping form children who can look after themselves!

All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form