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The courage to ask to stay in care

We once looked after a lad who came I to care quite late. He had been on social services radar for quite some time and had a social worker, but his situation had never been quite bad enough for him to be brought into care.

This boy had witnessed his grandparents and mother being beaten by his father.

He had seen a man set on fire.

He had been in a car crash with his siblings and drunken father.

He had normalised drug taking and dealing having witnessed it daily his home.

He owned very few clothes, was very skinny and small for his age. He was neglected. Since the get go.... but for years the actions of his father weren't quite enough to bring him into care.

You may wonder how that is possible. I'm not one to second guess these things and assume social services would have removed him sooner if they could.

The day he came into care something had happened that was the final straw. I won't go I to details, but it was severe and the council got the necessary court order to remove him immediately. He came to us.

He wasn't frightened or worried about coming to care. He was relieved.

He told us he knew the social worker would come get him that day. He had woken up really early unable to sleep, and when they came after school with the court order, he was ready, mentally at least. He didn't need to pack really, as he didn't have many belongings. He came to me, driven by his social worker, with his school bag, clothes he was wearing plus his school uniform in his backpack. Nothing else. No spare clothes, no toothbrush, no comforts. He had time to pack if he wanted, he just didn't have anything to bring with him.

Pretty soon after he came into care it was apparent through the courts that his father was attempting to get him back. Despite what had happened his father was entitled to this process.

The lad, being old enough and bright enough, was asked his views. Did he want to go to home or not? Even though he had only been in care a week or so, the answer was an emphatic 'No.

Now this is quite unusual. Often children in care dearly love their family members despite all the neglect they had suffered. But this lad he knew that he had suffered with his family. He knew the things he had experienced and seen weren't right. Weren't okay.

He stood up and said 'No' he did not want to return. But he went further. He gave his social worker details of frightening events involving his siblings such that they were not returned to their father either.

And you know what, to the best of my knowledge all kids are doing fantastically well.

The care system and being in care does have negative connotations and stereotypes but the fact is for children brought into care, it's often the best place. But when a child, despite blood ties, realises that their previous home wasn't the best place for them to be brought up it's a credit to that child.

All the best.

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