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What if your identity and being was stripped away

Whilst we cannot put ourselves in the shoes of the young people brought into care, we can try to imagine some of the factors. We are not here to judge the child, but to take them as we find them. We trust that social services have brought them into care for good reason, and we must do our role and look after that child.

When you sit and try to imagine what they've gone through, it makes you wonder two things. How the hell did this happen to a child? And how did that child make it this far? Some children build up remarkable resilence.

It is useful to stop and think about how you would feel if you'd been through the same, and then try to imagine yourself as a 10yo.

Try this exercise at home.

Get a bit of paper, divide into 10 sections. In each section write: My home, friends, food, celebrations, interests/hobbies, family, important spaces/places, education/work, identity/culture, faith.

Then for each one write in your favourite. So your favourite food, favourite thing about your home, favourite family member etc.

The exercise:
Cross out the least important one. That was probably fairly easy. Leaving you with nine things that help shape your identity and you enjoy. Things that as a child make you, well you.

Now, cross off another one. Again probably quite easy. We've got eight left now.

Getting harder now, cross out two more things, leaving six. You're starting to make difficult choices.

Now, a further two, leaving four. You may now only be left with your Home, Friends, Food and Family for example.

You may now have a social worker, but not be in care. In my example you've stopped going to school, lost your hobbies, lost your faith, lost your important place, your identiy, and you dont celebrate things anymore.

Now strip out a further two. This should be a very difficult choice. You're left with just two things. This could just be your favourite family member and favourite food.

Now you've got to cut a further one back. Do you keep family or food, for example?

If you haven't been brought into care by now, you're about to be.


This is supposed to show if we really had to choose, what is important to us, and to make us empathise with kids brought into care who could have lost between 1-10 of these things.

This shows the importance of identity and the many things that make up our lives.

As a foster carer if you can help preserve any of them, do so, eg take them to football club, make sure they go to school, cook their favourite food.. and ones you cant maintain as they were, build in a new favourite.


 As much as you can you need to uncross these things and make them real again. Bring back their hobbies, friends and faith. Shape that child. Help them fulfil their potentials by starting with the basis of who they are.

We once had a child that despite being a teenager loved milk and cookies. It brought back some of the few good memories they had, so, despite us thinking it was a bit kiddie like, kept it up, because it was important to the lad and it gave him consistency too.

All the best, Bristol Fostering.

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NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form

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