Inspired by a post on The Guardian I've decided to diary my week as a respite and emergency placement carer.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.
So....
Monday - no kids!
I'm 'on call' this week Monday to Thursday for emergencies and I've got respite booked in for Fri, Sat and Sun. So I know I've really got M-Th to do all my boring stuff, housework, etc because once these kids come Fri I know they're full on.
No call tonight but I'm kinda glad of that as I'm beat. I work two jobs to make fostering work. One full time on nightshifts and one from home. I've finished my shift but don't really have time to stop. I get on with some of my second job.
I get in touch with the carer I'm giving respite for at the weekend just to check dropping off/collecting arrangements and to double check if my planned activities for the weekend would be suitable. Ooops seems not, seems the kids don't like loud noises and therefore I'll have to rethink my plans a bit.
I get in touch with my social worker chasing up some paperwork needed for the weekend and to start talking about another child I might take onboard on a respite basis too.
I do take some time to myself though, spending a good half hour in the garden just sitting, enjoying both the calm and chaos that is my garden. A bit like me when I'm looking after kids!
Tuesday - still no kids
No kids appeared last night and so Im doing my other job from home today. Accept that doesnt happen. I'm so tired I end up snoozing through chunks of the day and mess up my schedule a bit. My social worker rings in the morn interrupting a nap. We talk about a child I am hoping to look after in the future who has quite complex needs, but I'm half asleep so I ask her to ring back later in the week. Before she hangs up I remind her about a missed payment from the other week for a boy I looked after. Hopefully it will come this week.
I hear in the evening that a child I've met several times and looked after once has attacked their carer, again. They did some serious damage to the home too. This makes me sad; they're such a lovely child really but must be going through some serious issues to lash out so spectacularly.
I missed the training course I was supposed to do tonight as I was just exhausted from coming off of nightshifts.
Wednesday - no kids!
Today is another day largely working from home but as I've no kids I use the opportunity to visit a friend for lunch, which was fab.
When I come back I find my social worker has pinged me an email with a bunch of referrals for children needing respite. I read through them in turn but it is hard going. The things you have to read about are quite intense and it can sometimes be hard to remember these are children you're reading about, real children, not some fiction in a crime novel. I reply to my social worker saying I'm still interested in all three and would like to discuss them on the phone.
I arrange Friday lunch to meet up with a carer local to me for a chitchat and a catch up. She went to the training course I missed Tuesday and said it was dull, so I didnt miss much.
Whilst the weather is good I've been tidying up the garden so it still complies with health and safety rules - I've been clearing the paths from winter debris and overgrowth to remove trip hazards and obstacles. I've got gardening plans for the two little ones visiting at the weekend.
Thursday - still no kids
So no kids again but I know they're coming. I know I'm picking up two little ones from school tomorrow and that they're both lovely and hectic.
I use my day to do more work from home and start sorting out the kids' toys. Built some more shelves to put them too.
Social worker didnt ring regarding the potential placements. Hopefully she'll ring tomorrow.
Friday - kids, impending kids
I wake Friday knowing in 10 hrs two little kids are turning up for the weekend. Two little kids I know fairly well, and know to be a handful. Joyous, but a handful nonetheless.
We pop to the shops to get some foods they like and sort their toys and bedding out.
Social worker still hasn't rung with the referrals we discussed which is annoying and I need to talk to her about getting my risk assessment updated too.
Kids arrive on time and are as bubbly as ever. We unpack their belongings and they soon settle playing Lego. Lilo* makes a rather worrying comment so I make a mental note to write it down verbatim as soon as I can so I can feed back to their social worker ASAP.
Bedtime goes without fuss but we're glad they're asleep and are shattered at 7pm!
Saturday - yes, definitely kids in the house
I get woken a 6am to a screaming Lilo who wants me to get up even though they know 7am is the earliest I'll get up on a weekend. Not just screaming ensues, but hitting, throwing, kicking, door slamming then cries I'm starving them and that they're trapped in their room. It appears largely to get my attention and is rather loud. Unfortunately this sets the tone for the rest of the day with Lilo being aggressive and defiant for the vast majority of Saturday. This is very out of character and could be a sign that Lilo is pushing boundaries or relaxed enough around me to show how they feel; they keep telling me their angry.
My mental notepad gets a serious workout today trying to 'write down' all the times Lilo gets angry, throws things, hits me and bites Stitch*.
I do take the kids out for pizza as promised as Stitch has been well behaved and I don't want to take away a treat because Lilo has been troublesome. Although when we get home I make a point of letting Stitch choose the toys we play with and books we read at bedtime and explain why to Lilo.
Before bed I explain to Lilo that on Sunday morning I wont be getting up before 7am and show her what 0700 looks like on the clock in her room.
I'm shattered!
Sunday - kids still with me but going home today, yay!
As much as I love Lilo & Stitch I can see why their carer needs respite. Even after 1.5 days I'm worn out and I go into Sunday glad knowing they're going back after dinner. Still 10 or so hours to fill.
Lilo doesn't shout the house down today but still wakes me up at 0630 telling me she's wide awake.
Stitch waits til 0700 to tell me about a problem - this time he has a real issue - the cat has pooped in his room as he shut the door last night meaning cat couldnt get out. I explain why the door needs to stay open overnight and he helps me clear up the mess by handing me kitchen towel whilst I spray and disinfect. Stitch manages a similar hiccup later in the day standing in fox mess and stinking out the whole house. Despite 15mins hosing down his wellies they still stink so I leave them outside in the rain.
Lilo is generally better behaved today except for a few outbursts. She doesnt like it when I tell her off for trying to get in the bathroom when others are in there. She hits me and tells me the toy she is holding wants to slap me in the face. And this comes from a very young child!
We make an absolute mess in the afternoon, but a fun mess. - We cook cupcakes which we all love. Aside from cooking dinner afterwards that's us done for the weekend. I take them home to their main carer and then return to write up my notes for the weekend to send to my social worker and the children's social worker in the morning.
I am pooped. Much like the cat and the fox.
Onwards, to another week in respite care!
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
*Not their real names, obv
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.
So....
Monday - no kids!
I'm 'on call' this week Monday to Thursday for emergencies and I've got respite booked in for Fri, Sat and Sun. So I know I've really got M-Th to do all my boring stuff, housework, etc because once these kids come Fri I know they're full on.
No call tonight but I'm kinda glad of that as I'm beat. I work two jobs to make fostering work. One full time on nightshifts and one from home. I've finished my shift but don't really have time to stop. I get on with some of my second job.
I get in touch with the carer I'm giving respite for at the weekend just to check dropping off/collecting arrangements and to double check if my planned activities for the weekend would be suitable. Ooops seems not, seems the kids don't like loud noises and therefore I'll have to rethink my plans a bit.
I get in touch with my social worker chasing up some paperwork needed for the weekend and to start talking about another child I might take onboard on a respite basis too.
I do take some time to myself though, spending a good half hour in the garden just sitting, enjoying both the calm and chaos that is my garden. A bit like me when I'm looking after kids!
Tuesday - still no kids
No kids appeared last night and so Im doing my other job from home today. Accept that doesnt happen. I'm so tired I end up snoozing through chunks of the day and mess up my schedule a bit. My social worker rings in the morn interrupting a nap. We talk about a child I am hoping to look after in the future who has quite complex needs, but I'm half asleep so I ask her to ring back later in the week. Before she hangs up I remind her about a missed payment from the other week for a boy I looked after. Hopefully it will come this week.
I hear in the evening that a child I've met several times and looked after once has attacked their carer, again. They did some serious damage to the home too. This makes me sad; they're such a lovely child really but must be going through some serious issues to lash out so spectacularly.
I missed the training course I was supposed to do tonight as I was just exhausted from coming off of nightshifts.
Wednesday - no kids!
Today is another day largely working from home but as I've no kids I use the opportunity to visit a friend for lunch, which was fab.
When I come back I find my social worker has pinged me an email with a bunch of referrals for children needing respite. I read through them in turn but it is hard going. The things you have to read about are quite intense and it can sometimes be hard to remember these are children you're reading about, real children, not some fiction in a crime novel. I reply to my social worker saying I'm still interested in all three and would like to discuss them on the phone.
I arrange Friday lunch to meet up with a carer local to me for a chitchat and a catch up. She went to the training course I missed Tuesday and said it was dull, so I didnt miss much.
Whilst the weather is good I've been tidying up the garden so it still complies with health and safety rules - I've been clearing the paths from winter debris and overgrowth to remove trip hazards and obstacles. I've got gardening plans for the two little ones visiting at the weekend.
Thursday - still no kids
So no kids again but I know they're coming. I know I'm picking up two little ones from school tomorrow and that they're both lovely and hectic.
I use my day to do more work from home and start sorting out the kids' toys. Built some more shelves to put them too.
Social worker didnt ring regarding the potential placements. Hopefully she'll ring tomorrow.
Friday - kids, impending kids
I wake Friday knowing in 10 hrs two little kids are turning up for the weekend. Two little kids I know fairly well, and know to be a handful. Joyous, but a handful nonetheless.
We pop to the shops to get some foods they like and sort their toys and bedding out.
Social worker still hasn't rung with the referrals we discussed which is annoying and I need to talk to her about getting my risk assessment updated too.
Kids arrive on time and are as bubbly as ever. We unpack their belongings and they soon settle playing Lego. Lilo* makes a rather worrying comment so I make a mental note to write it down verbatim as soon as I can so I can feed back to their social worker ASAP.
Bedtime goes without fuss but we're glad they're asleep and are shattered at 7pm!
Saturday - yes, definitely kids in the house
I get woken a 6am to a screaming Lilo who wants me to get up even though they know 7am is the earliest I'll get up on a weekend. Not just screaming ensues, but hitting, throwing, kicking, door slamming then cries I'm starving them and that they're trapped in their room. It appears largely to get my attention and is rather loud. Unfortunately this sets the tone for the rest of the day with Lilo being aggressive and defiant for the vast majority of Saturday. This is very out of character and could be a sign that Lilo is pushing boundaries or relaxed enough around me to show how they feel; they keep telling me their angry.
My mental notepad gets a serious workout today trying to 'write down' all the times Lilo gets angry, throws things, hits me and bites Stitch*.
I do take the kids out for pizza as promised as Stitch has been well behaved and I don't want to take away a treat because Lilo has been troublesome. Although when we get home I make a point of letting Stitch choose the toys we play with and books we read at bedtime and explain why to Lilo.
Before bed I explain to Lilo that on Sunday morning I wont be getting up before 7am and show her what 0700 looks like on the clock in her room.
I'm shattered!
Sunday - kids still with me but going home today, yay!
As much as I love Lilo & Stitch I can see why their carer needs respite. Even after 1.5 days I'm worn out and I go into Sunday glad knowing they're going back after dinner. Still 10 or so hours to fill.
Lilo doesn't shout the house down today but still wakes me up at 0630 telling me she's wide awake.
Stitch waits til 0700 to tell me about a problem - this time he has a real issue - the cat has pooped in his room as he shut the door last night meaning cat couldnt get out. I explain why the door needs to stay open overnight and he helps me clear up the mess by handing me kitchen towel whilst I spray and disinfect. Stitch manages a similar hiccup later in the day standing in fox mess and stinking out the whole house. Despite 15mins hosing down his wellies they still stink so I leave them outside in the rain.
Lilo is generally better behaved today except for a few outbursts. She doesnt like it when I tell her off for trying to get in the bathroom when others are in there. She hits me and tells me the toy she is holding wants to slap me in the face. And this comes from a very young child!
We make an absolute mess in the afternoon, but a fun mess. - We cook cupcakes which we all love. Aside from cooking dinner afterwards that's us done for the weekend. I take them home to their main carer and then return to write up my notes for the weekend to send to my social worker and the children's social worker in the morning.
I am pooped. Much like the cat and the fox.
Onwards, to another week in respite care!
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
*Not their real names, obv
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