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'Those kids are so lucky to be living with you'

We have heard this numerous times.

And each time whilst the person saying it is well meaning I feel like bopping them on the head.

Lucky?

Really.

Lucky that they were sexually abused as a young child, filmed and the abuse put online for thousands of paedophiles to see.

Lucky that their parent has become slowly more unwell and has increasingly relied on them to bring up their younger siblings to the point where they have no friends and barely go to school as they're too busy doing all the jobs mum should be doing.

Lucky that their parent lost their job through no fault of their own, became depressed and turned to alcohol, becoming abusive and forgetting to do even the basics in their household, neglecting them.

No children in care aren't lucky. They've experienced difficult times and been plucked from their life and asked to live with strangers in a house that looks and smells different to the one they call home. They may have to move areas and schools too.

So lucky, nope, not one bit.

But, from the point they come to live with you, you become one of a team of people around that child who really care for them. Their past may hurt but they'll still love their parents. The trauma they've felt and been through will inform how they grow up, but your influence will matter too. You can show them love, consistent boundaries and let them grow into themselves in a safe secure environment.

But lucky, no, they're not.

I don't think luck comes into the picture at all... even though I know what's happened to the child before they come to me, to me they're just  a child that I know I'm gonna do my best to look after.

They'll get their basics sorted. Meals, clean clothes and bedding, hugs and love. They'll get a silly carer too who likes to sit on the floor playing games for hours or watching them build Minecraft worlds. They'll get trips out and a parental figure at parent teacher night at school for the first time in years. They'll get to pet animals, join a football club and help grow veggies in the garden. But they're not lucky they had to come into care.

They're kids who need looking after, and I'll do that all right. Through difficult days and fun days, but please don't tell me they're lucky.


All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form

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