Week in the life of a respite foster carer 9

Hello!

For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies.

Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.

Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.

I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.

Monday - kids - in theory

So late last week - last thing Friday - I got asked to take on a boy Monday to Monday. I said yes even though it meant I would have little sleep on Monday gone due to needing to sort his room out and having a general tidy up and some much needed sleep.

I was all sorted, ready for him to come at the agreed time, then checked my phone. Message from his social worker - it was thought the boy wasn't ready to come into care and so they would try again the next day. So I crawl back into bed and sleep a few more hours. Of course this means when I do wake up in the evening I am shattered. I feel really unwell but I need to get on and do stuff. At this point I think the boy is coming Tues now so I get on with food shopping and working from home. 


Tues - kids - again in theory

The boy is supposed to be coming after lunch. I've read all about him and I know he's worried about coming into care and that everyone needs to tread delicately. Around midday his social worker rings to say they're having lunch and will be over in about an hour. Except it doesn't happen. After lunch the boy heads off on his own back to the person he's been staying with this past week. He wont be coming to me afterall. 

I get on with working from home. Pity the boy hasn't come but I do understand it is scary coming into care and as he's a teen he's got a lot more autonomy. If he really doesn't want to come he'll keep running away so he needs to be on side. Still I've got a pack of chicken wings to not eat... I give them to the cats who love me!

Weds - no kids

I'm not really expecting the boy to come today, though in theory I know he could and my room is booked for him, because, well, he has not wanted to come so far so I'm not sure what is different now.

I sent his social worker some photos of me and the house just to help make the boy more familiar and less scared but I find out later the boy didn't even get to see them....At middayish I get a phone call from his social worker confirming that he is not going to be coming into care this week and therefore not to me.

So I'm stood down effectively. I get on with working from home and my usual but I'm excessively tired. A hangover from Monday when I didnt get enough sleep. I still get a good wedge done but I feel like a zombie.

During the day my social worker has emailed about the boy but she doesn't realise he's not coming and so I email her an update. 

Last week I was also asked to have Lilo and Stitch back for regular respite starting this week but I said no because I had the boy coming. So instead we think ahead to the future. I get given the phone number for their new carer and give her a bell. We have a fantastic catch up about the kids. I really do miss them so in one sense I'm relieved they're coming back, but I'm also a bit shocked. Anyway we book in four long weekends and a whole week for them over the coming months. They're not coming for six weeks but I am already looking forward to it.

Thurs – no kids – but nearly kids

So I know Nelson isn’t coming to stay this week after all after his social worker confirmed this yesterday, and so I am marked back as available for emergencies or respite for the rest of the week.

All plods along well until my social worker emails midday saying Placement have a boy they’re looking for a room for. This boy is not in care yet but care proceedings are under way, literally as my social worker contacts me. I read the referral she’s sent and its horrific. But also I feel the child is someone I can look after, so I say it’s a yes from me. But then time goes by without hearing anything. I’ve been expecting a phonecall confirming when he’ll be turning up. I know Placement knock off at 5pm so at 445pm I ring and ask what’s happening. Care order hasn’t been granted. Oh. I wonder how long they knew and just hadn’t told me. Anyway Jimbo isn’t coming into care today. They’ve ‘run out’ of court time so it’ll be picked up again in the morning. So I knock off for today and go see a friend for a cuppa.

Earlier whilst I had my social worker on the phone I mention to her I was unhappy that another social worker, whom I don’t know, was able to access sensitive information about me on the system. She assures me it’s because she can’t change my info but is ‘working on it’. Whilst she’s on the phone, I cant quite remember how we got onto it, but she mentioned I’m in demand as a carer from Placement because I will look after ‘trickier’ children and at short notice too. Whilst this is flattering in one sense, it also feels like she’s trying to either butter me up or keep me on side. Also it might not even be true. I have no idea.

This morning I went to my first AFCA meeting. This is Avon Foster Carers Association – a group of carers in the Bristol area. I keep meaning to go. Last month I could have but had an emergency boy and all the other meetings seem to have been when I’ve been working. It was good. Pretty much as I expected. A bit of a formal bit with agenda and items to talk about and then a chit chat with other carers. Some I knew already but hadn’t seen for a few months. I talked to about five carers I already knew and we had a catch up. One remarked that she’d heard I’d been looking after ‘difficult’ children since she saw me last. I don’t think so. I just take kids as they come. She told me she was asked to have Nelson and said no, as were a few other carers she knows. She said he would have been too disruptive. Another carer tells me about a rather ‘funny’ boy she’s looking after. – He’s complete opposite to her so they’re getting used to each other. For one, he’d never had a takeaway before.

Friday – no kids again

I know court proceedings are going on for Jimbo this morning so it’s just a waiting game to see when he’ll be coming. Except, to my utter surprise he doesn’t. Placement ring early afternoon to say the court order hasn’t been granted. Oh and double oh. I am so so surprised. Having read about the child I’m speechless frankly, but in one sense I’m just a passenger in this. The focus is the child. Whilst it is annoying I’ve had a second cancellation it’s a complex issue looking after foster children, and as an emergency carer cancellations do happen.

And happen again.

Late afternoon Placement ring to ask if I take a boy who is already in care but needs to be moved to a different carer with immediate affect due to a violent incident. I say ‘yes’ after getting lots of info on him. As it happened Placement rang when I was up a ladder, typically, when I was playing with my downpipe on the side of the house (that’s not a weird euphemism) – I was actually fixing a bracket. So I get ready for Dolph to come. Well actually all I do is check the bedrooms are still made up and take Jimbo’s name off of his door which I had put up the previous day.

Again though things get cancelled. Placement ring an hour later to say a carer nearer to where Dolph currently is has been found, so again my room isn’t needed.

The week so far has been a bit frustrating. Three nearly kids but no kids have come to stay. It’s also been frustrating that my social worker wasn’t available today and I had to just sit and wait for others to phone me. And now I’m left twiddling a bit. I do get on with working from home. But I also have a bit of a wobble. They can come out of the blue and knock me for six. I don’t know if it’s the stress, or reading so much rubbish all week, or any number of things, but I just can’t concentrate on a sausage and have rather a lot of invasive thoughts. So at 7pm I go to bed and sleep as that’s the safest thing for me to do. As it happens I sleep solid round til 6am and feel somewhat better in the morning.

Saturday – no kids

I’m not on call over the weekend and as I didn’t get any kids on Fri, it means I’ve got the weekend off. So what do I do? Well I get out my hammer and ladder and put in 8ft tall posts in my garden. Four of them to use as corners to hang a ‘sun sail’ from so I can sit outside in the rain or blistering heat with my dinner and any foster kids. I also do lots of work from home but nothing exciting happens!

Sunday – no kids

Again as I have no kids I do some work from home and silly jobs in the garden.

In the evening I visit a new carer friend of mine in their fabulous new home. It is rather large. We have a catch up and a read a few referrals they have. This includes Jimbo’s siblings. It is a bit weird reading a referral about the other children from a sibling group. Dinner was lovely but I don’t stay super late as it’s a school night.

All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form