Bristol Fostering

Unfortunately not every day of fostering is a good day. Some kids you look after are troubled, and need extra guidance. Sometimes you, as the carer, do everything right, and things still go wrong. We have a kid at the mo who is into knife crime. Like all carers our knives and other dangerous items are locked away, and boundaries and rules have been set to minimise the risk to ourselves. But despite that, they still managed to steal some knives over the weekend then took them to school. They will be sanctioned by social services and there will be negative consequences. However what's more important to us, is getting this kid back on the right path. Why did they steal? What did they think they were going to do with the weapons? Why do they think they need them? What are the alternatives? How can we help them escape crime and point them in the right direction? These are big questions, and there will be a series of small steps put in place to hopefully turn them around. T...

Gangs. It's such a loaded word. And for good reason. We hear on the news about knife gangs, moped gangs, gangs 'roaming the streets'. but what's it like in reality? How does it feel to know a child you look after is getting sucked into one? There are many people looking after a child in care, not just their foster carer and social worker, and even with all that support they can still get sucked in, especially if they're vulnerable. Gangs, whether 'serious' or violent, or just 'a bit of fun', give a sense of belonging and comfort that a vulnerable child may be seeking. A child we sometimes look after is involved in gangs, at a low level. They know the negative and serious consequences of their invovlement, but you can't watch a child all the time. You can't shut them in and protect them 24/7. Ultimately, sometimes all you can do is guide and advise, set boundaries and hope they pull through. Sounds like giving up, but if you're...

You grieve, your pets grieve. Your social worker offers a sympathetic smile. 'No one's died' she jokes. But to you, you have still lost a child. You may have only known that child for a few days. Or perhaps they stayed with you a decade. Regardless of the length of time you grieve for that child. You miss them. Even if they've left you for a positive reason, such as adoption, or going home to mum and dad, you really do miss them. You may not realise you do. But a month after they've left you find yourself wondering what they're doing right now. Are they still in school? Have they gotten their girlfriend pregnant? - that pretty young thing he was talking about. Is there football injury on the mend? Do they still fight with their little sister? You may have a few mementos. Perhaps pictures they've drawn stuck to the fridge door, or broken toy you never got round to fixing. When they packed their bag perhaps they forgot a tshirt. When your next chil...

Most kids love fun days out and trips. Whether your own kids, your little nieces and nephews, your foster kids, and their friends, having a day trip out can be special and really fun. A reward for being good all week or a birthday treat. Taking your foster kids out can be both rewarding and terrifying as the foster parent especially the first time. You worry, perhaps over-worry. How will they react to strangers? Are they good in social situations? If they were previously subject to grooming will a special treat appear in their eyes similar to the treats they were groomed with? Do they even know how to play? Many kids who come into care haven't had a proper childhood, so going out for a treat, even just to the park, might seem strange to them, let alone going to a 'big' treat like the zoo. We've all made mistakes. One of mine at the very beginning was taking two respite children (that I was having for two days) out to an activity centre where the children were gi...

Got a burning question about fostering? Anxious about an issue? Below are some Q&As we hope will help. If you have any other questions please leave a comment. Note the answers are from our experiences and there might be some slight variations nationally. Q. Do I have to own a house to foster? A. No, you can be buying or renting. Q. Do I have to have a spare room to foster? A. Yes. It's really important that the child has their own room, to give them privacy and space, and also to benefit yourself and your family. Q. Can I be LGBT+ and foster? A. Yes, of course. It would be illegal for you to be discriminated against, and your sexual orientation or gender identity are no barrier. In fact, they can a huge advantage. E.g. there could be a child scared of women, but being with a male couple would benefit them, as the child will be looked after by men. Q. Can I have a lodger and foster? A. Yes, but the lodger would have to be DBS checked and interviewed. Once you sta...

Some friends of mine were asking me about fostering. They were curious. What does it entail? Who do you look after? Why do you do it? When you have these types of conversations, as soon as you say you look after teenagers many people reel back and exclaim 'you're crazy, why would you do that?' We at Bristol Fostering don't solely look after teenagers but predominantly, and to be honest, despite the hormones, strops, dating, school exams and navigating the world between childhood and adulthood, we find teenagers much easier to look after than little ones. Whilst their are some downsides to looking after teens (the aforementioned hormones for one) there are many pluses but many people are afraid to look after teens. Got to be honest the best bit is they need more sleep. Not that they're lazy, but their bodies, especially their brains, crave more sleep than youngsters. They literally need more sleep in order to develop properly, so unlike the average seven ye...

What if your only possession was a teddy, a book or a photo? How would you feel if you had to leave the only home you've ever known with a stranger, and then be taken to another stranger's home, to live with a group of people who are all brand new and perhaps scary to you. Not all, but a good proportion of kids enter care with just a small amount of belongings. This could be because they've entered care as an emergency and there wasn't the opportunity to grab much, or it could simply be because the child didn't have many clothes or toys in the first place, so even though their placement is planned, they have limited possessions to call their own. Imagine how you would feel if you were 10 years old, brought to a stranger's home where you could be living for just a day to up to many years. You're not sure what is happening to you, it's all new, but what you do know is that despite the negative situation you were in, you still love mummy and daddy and y...

So, you've been approved as a foster carer, and know somepoint soon a child will be placed with you. You're nervous, worried but joyful. You want it to go well; you want to be a great carer for the child coming to you, but it's a strange paradox, because you wouldn't want any child to have to come into care. You've tidied, cleaned, know your home is safe and secure. You've got an age range in mind, so you've bought some toys, books and maybe some clothes, but until you get that call, you don't know who you're getting. And that call. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And then it's an email. Depending on who you're fostering with, the placement team will contact you with a mixture of emails and/or phone calls. For me, I usually get an email with a profile of a child and some information, and then email back if I think that child fits my situation, then the social worker rings me to discuss. I'm sure some councils operate mainly via pho...

Someone once told me that if just 1% of LGBT+ adults in the UK fostered then there would be no national shortage of foster carers. Unfortunately the situation is bleak - there are far more kids in care than foster carers available. You may come under the LGBT+ umbrella and would like to do something to help children but haven't considered fostering yet. Or you may have looked into it, tentatively, but not taken the plunge yet. You may be worried, apprehensive or even scared. Well.. For starters your application will not be treated negatively due to your gender identity or sexual orientation. It's illegal for one. As it happens I to come under the LGBT+ spectrum and my social worker couldn't have given a monkeys. In a good way. It was a complete non-issue. In fact during my assessment those many moons ago it was a positive - because I'd be able to identify and help LGBT+ youth in care. Maybe you're worried about how any child who comes into your care will r...

So, you're curious, but also worried. You're thinking, what will the approval process be like? What will they want to know about me, my life, and if you have them, children and partner? Is the process long? It is intrusive? I bet you will have all sorts of questions. I know I did. I was lucky. I had friends who had been through the process and so I had a bit of a heads up. Whilst the application process will vary slightly depending on your local authority or agency, there are some aspects that are (near) universal. Below is meant as a guide. It might not be perfect but if you do apply, hopefully they'll be less surprises. It seems daunting but your council or agency will help you through it. Firstly, after expressing an interest either in person, online or on the phone, you'll probably have a short phone conversation and then an invite to an information evening. These are informal. Usually some slides, a short talk and handouts, followed by a Q&A. With bis...