Bristol Fostering

We once looked after a lad who came I to care quite late. He had been on social services radar for quite some time and had a social worker, but his situation had never been quite bad enough for him to be brought into care. This boy had witnessed his grandparents and mother being beaten by his father. He had seen a man set on fire. He had been in a car crash with his siblings and drunken father. He had normalised drug taking and dealing having witnessed it daily his home. He owned very few clothes, was very skinny and small for his age. He was neglected. Since the get go.... but for years the actions of his father weren't quite enough to bring him into care. You may wonder how that is possible. I'm not one to second guess these things and assume social services would have removed him sooner if they could. The day he came into care something had happened that was the final straw. I won't go I to details, but it was severe and the council got the necessary court ...

Fostering throws up a variety of kids. You get asked to look after children that match your capabilities and preferences but even if you had a room full of 10 year old boys they'd all be different, let alone ones that have been through a range of trauma and difficulties that led them to come into care. It is a fair to say that on average, children are on the more difficult end. I know that sounds horrid to say, but they are. It can take it's toll on carers which is why they often need breaks. However even the most well behaved little one can be a handful, simply because they're an energetic little soul, who likes to play and play and play some more. We had one of these recently. The most brilliant, bright boy you can imagine. His language and math skills are excellent for his age. He is articulate, funny, cheeky, and, well, full of beans. As soon as he got to my home, and checked out his room, we unpacked his bag and put away his clothes and his teddy on the bed. He t...

Whilst we cannot put ourselves in the shoes of the young people brought into care, we can try to imagine some of the factors. We are not here to judge the child, but to take them as we find them. We trust that social services have brought them into care for good reason, and we must do our role and look after that child. When you sit and try to imagine what they've gone through, it makes you wonder two things. How the hell did this happen to a child? And how did that child make it this far? Some children build up remarkable resilence. It is useful to stop and think about how you would feel if you'd been through the same, and then try to imagine yourself as a 10yo. Try this exercise at home. Get a bit of paper, divide into 10 sections. In each section write: My home, friends, food, celebrations, interests/hobbies, family, important spaces/places, education/work, identity/culture, faith. Then for each one write in your favourite. So your favourite food, favourite thin...

Some people see fostering as a job, some a calling, some a social necessity or duty, but no matter how you see fostering, there  will be things you hate about it. Don't get me wrong, vast majority of the time fostering is fab. Even when your tired, frustrated and wondering why you are taking your young person to meet their father for contact knowing they'll be upset for a day, fostering is still worth it. There are a whole host of reasons why it is worth it, but that is for another time. There are most certainly things we hate about it. Number one pet peeve is paperwork. It's to be expected in some senses. I mean you are looking after a child who has a corporate parent (the local authority) and with that will come a certain amount of paperwork. You have to be organised. From the get go you need some sort of lockable filing cabinet or container. Something that can be organised with tabs. Because you will get paperwork for each and every child you get. Paperwork rel...

OK, it is exciting. And it makes you nervous. And perhaps a little worried. We cannot deny that. Whilst you wouldn't want any kid to be in care, the fact is that there are more children in care than approved foster carers and that if you're approved and have a vacant room, you will be called repeatedly until you accept a child for that room. Councils all have placement teams. Staff whose job is to find rooms for children needing them. If they cannot find a room with their own carers, they may have to look with an agency or out of county. It is in the interest of the child to be placed with a local carer. If the placement is right for them, hopefully it will be near their school and with other children and a carer who match their needs. It is also, financially speaking, better for councils to place a child with their own carer because it costs an awful lot more for a child to go out of area, to a children's home or to a private foster carer. And funds are tight for c...

You know they've gone for a good reason. You know that they'll be happy in their new home. But when they leave, you mourn. Sounds over dramatic but you really do. You may have looked after them for years and watched them grow and develop, but you may have had them just a few weeks, and yet cared about them so much, and formed such an attachment that when they leave you really do miss them. We had that recently when we took in a teenage boy, brand new into care. We were supposed to have him a week or so but then it became apparent he wasn't going home and needed to stay in care. However we don't tend to do long term care, and so the boy would have to move on. But to where and to whom? The council did not know and there was a chance he'd go to a carer for a week, then another for a few days, and another and yet another, until the council found a carer who had the time, room and heart to take on a teenage boy long term. So ok, we thought. We'll keep t...