Skip to main content

How you can help single foster carers (or parents)?

Several recent conversations have got me thinking lately, as well as my own situation.

The majority of foster carers are couples, but whilst I don't know the exact statistics, I would estimate around a fifth are single. Just like a single parent, they've got to do everything by themselves. And just like a single parent they may not ask for help when they really need it as they try to hold everything together.

As a single carer myself, sometimes I get overwhelmed. I've got meetings, cleaning, cooking, reports to fill in... oh and actually looking after the child or children in question. I usually manage to hold it together whilst I've got a kid staying but when they go home I tend to crumble. I know this, and it's something I'm working on.

But what if you're a single parent or carer who looks after children full time? They drain you, no matter how much you love them, how 'good' they are and behave, it can be really draining.

As they say, 'you can't pour from an empty cup'.

However your single carer friend or single parent friend may not actually ever ask for help. Maybe they don't want to appear vulnerable or 'weak', or may be too proud. Even if they don't ask, deep down they would probably love a hand.

This doesn't have to physical help like doing the laundry for them, it can be emotional support too; sometimes just sitting a listening is great support.

How can you help refill their cup?

If you do want to help a single foster carer or parent you know, some ideas of mine are below (if any of you wanna do these things for me, I'd bite your hand off).


  • Take their kid out for half the day to give the carer time by themselves or if the carer is going out with their child, offer to go with them so they have extras eyes (some kids have 'eyes on them all the time' requirements as part of their safety plans which is hard) and extra hands if something goes wrong. 
  • Offer to do their food shop, laundry or cook the occasional meal. 
  • Go round and visit so they can have an adult conversation. We can't talk Lego all day!
  • Go along to meetings or appointments with the carer. Whilst you wont be able to go into the meeting due to confidentiality reasons, just going along on the journey really helps. 
  • Play with their kid at their home to give the carer time to get on with chores or some time to themselves.
  • Organise a playdate with your kid and their's, particularly if it's away from the home. Even better if it's regular - eg both your kids go to football practice Saturday morning.
  • Offer to do the school run occasionally.
  • Arrange a sleepover. Its a myth that kids in care can't have sleepovers. If everyone is in agreements (social workers etc) then a child can sleep at another adults home.
And the most important one:
  • Listen. Whilst there are some things a carer can't share with you, you can still listen to what they are able to say. 

One way you can get involved in helping support full time foster carers is to become a respite carer. This is where you look after a child for usually 1-7 days, normally just 1-2. This gives the carer such an important break. If you have a spare room and can commit to two weekends a month minimum definitely consider it. You'd make such a difference. 



All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Week in the life of a respite foster carer 5

Hello! For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies. I also work two jobs, have a lot of cats and a wild garden. Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights. Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights. I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer. Monday - no kids So this week I am 'on call' Mon to Thurs for emergencies and have two children booked to stay with me Fri tea time to Sun tea time. I get home from my nightshift job Monday morning rather tired but struggle to sleep. I have quite a lot to do this week in...
Post a Comment
Read more

Setting up a room for your new foster kid

Whenever a child comes to stay, you, as the adult in the situation, get nervous. Nervous about meeting them, whether they'll like you or not, how they'll get on with your pets and more besides. If you're nervous, imagine how the child feels. One way you can help them settle down is to make their room comfortable for them. Even if the child is staying just one night, I still recommend tailoring a room to the child if at all possible. Below are some of my tips for making a room more child friendly. Mind these are my views and not everyone is the same. Also different children would benefit from varying things, and what you provide them may depend on how long the child will be staying with you. Note some children will come into your care with lots of belongings, and some with almost none. Generally emergency kids come with the least. However whatever possessions they come with do treasure them. Whether that be a family photo or a teddy bear that really stinks. If I...
Post a Comment
Read more

Week in the life of a foster carer 25

Hello! For those of you unfamiliar, I offer shared foster care and cover emergencies. Shared care is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights. Emergency care are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this over a dozen times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 7hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights. I've looked after 25 kids to date. Monday -kids! I still have Kenneth with me but only for one more complete day as tomorrow he is going to a different carer for Christmas as I'm away. His social worker emails me first thing in the morning asking if she can visit as she wants to check in on him. It's totally fine so I say yes. In the meantime we have a few things to do. When his social worker pops by he's not phased and cha...
Post a Comment
Read more