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How you can help single foster carers (or parents)?

Several recent conversations have got me thinking lately, as well as my own situation.

The majority of foster carers are couples, but whilst I don't know the exact statistics, I would estimate around a fifth are single. Just like a single parent, they've got to do everything by themselves. And just like a single parent they may not ask for help when they really need it as they try to hold everything together.

As a single carer myself, sometimes I get overwhelmed. I've got meetings, cleaning, cooking, reports to fill in... oh and actually looking after the child or children in question. I usually manage to hold it together whilst I've got a kid staying but when they go home I tend to crumble. I know this, and it's something I'm working on.

But what if you're a single parent or carer who looks after children full time? They drain you, no matter how much you love them, how 'good' they are and behave, it can be really draining.

As they say, 'you can't pour from an empty cup'.

However your single carer friend or single parent friend may not actually ever ask for help. Maybe they don't want to appear vulnerable or 'weak', or may be too proud. Even if they don't ask, deep down they would probably love a hand.

This doesn't have to physical help like doing the laundry for them, it can be emotional support too; sometimes just sitting a listening is great support.

How can you help refill their cup?

If you do want to help a single foster carer or parent you know, some ideas of mine are below (if any of you wanna do these things for me, I'd bite your hand off).


  • Take their kid out for half the day to give the carer time by themselves or if the carer is going out with their child, offer to go with them so they have extras eyes (some kids have 'eyes on them all the time' requirements as part of their safety plans which is hard) and extra hands if something goes wrong. 
  • Offer to do their food shop, laundry or cook the occasional meal. 
  • Go round and visit so they can have an adult conversation. We can't talk Lego all day!
  • Go along to meetings or appointments with the carer. Whilst you wont be able to go into the meeting due to confidentiality reasons, just going along on the journey really helps. 
  • Play with their kid at their home to give the carer time to get on with chores or some time to themselves.
  • Organise a playdate with your kid and their's, particularly if it's away from the home. Even better if it's regular - eg both your kids go to football practice Saturday morning.
  • Offer to do the school run occasionally.
  • Arrange a sleepover. Its a myth that kids in care can't have sleepovers. If everyone is in agreements (social workers etc) then a child can sleep at another adults home.
And the most important one:
  • Listen. Whilst there are some things a carer can't share with you, you can still listen to what they are able to say. 

One way you can get involved in helping support full time foster carers is to become a respite carer. This is where you look after a child for usually 1-7 days, normally just 1-2. This gives the carer such an important break. If you have a spare room and can commit to two weekends a month minimum definitely consider it. You'd make such a difference. 



All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form

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