Hello!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer shared foster care and cover emergencies.
Shared care is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency care are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this over a dozen times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 7hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights.
I've looked after 23 kids to date.
Monday - kids!
Difficult day today. I had a violent day, unfortunately. Hassan's behaviour had been deteriorating and it got to the point that I had to call 999 - he was threatening to punch me - and so this is the right course of action. Whilst on the phone he legged it so became a missing person, but later returned and tried to kick the door in. Literally kicking for about 10 minutes. Good thing I've got £1,700 solid doors then, mind he did smash in the side gate. Police came out in about 15 minutes and picked him up easily.
There is the general view that he might have been ending the placement on 'his terms'. He knew he was getting moved today and deep down he may have wanted to be in control from feeling out of control. Whatever the reason it was a difficult morning for me.
This morning's incident involved two 999 calls, a call to the duty social worker, a call to my social worker and a call to Hassan's social worker during the incident, and then after a few texts and a call to the office manager for the team looking after Hassan. My poor phone bill!
After Hassan left I had two hours before a scheduled meeting and so I quickly nip to the shops and then try to settle myself. I don't make an attempt to clean Hassan's room yet as it just stinks. Plus, I need some time to myself.
Just before my social worker is due to arrive Placement team phone. They're so funny. The lady on the other end starts with 'So, my manager has asked me to ring to check you're okay after this morning... oh yes, you are fine are you... well.. and you can say no but we have a girl who needs a room from tonight for as long as possible...' I explain I'm about to go into a meeting and so won't be able to read her referral for at least an hour. Whilst I'm in my meeting I get phoned twice more.
Meeting goes well and we cover a lot of ground. I also find out I will be changing social worker. Whilst I haven't always got on with mine, and there have been areas of 'conflict', I am deep down grateful for all the help in the past year.
At the end of the meeting I ring Placement team back with some questions about the girl in question which they cannot answer and so the child's social worker rings me instead. Turns out a friend has also looked after said girl in the past, about three years ago, and remembers her being very violent. Too late, I've said yes! The girl, lets call her Perry, arrives two hours after I say 'yes'. She's super chatty, curious, and okay you know. Well, so far, and she would be pressed to be more difficult than Hassan. Actually she's a breathe of fresh air after him, as mean as that sounds to him, but he was a very troubled young boy.
In the evening we settle down to fish and chips and awful YouTube videos - though she loves them. She gets off to bed a okay and I clean up after Hassan.
Tuesday - kids!
Perry is doing well.. well as okay as you can be in a new home but it seems she is very much used to moving around. She doesn't seem that bothered to be staying in a new home really. She gets herself up and dressed no issue. She's chatty and a bit bossy. She definately likes to be in control. It seems she likes to 'parent'. I don't know if this comes from her background but I've never had someone tell me to do the washing up before! I have to take control of the situation and 'allow' her to do certain things, giving her responsibility but ultimately I have to be the one in charge as the adult.
After school we go to the park as she's brought her bike home from school. She's made it herself at some project for kids in care. It's made from spare parts and is pretty good.
She is a lively chatty one. She makes a fabulous dinner. I've 'allowed' her to make dinner. I bought the ingredients whilst she was in school and have let her do dinner with me supervising. It gives the feeling of control, whilst teaching her skills for independence in the future. Plus, well the dinner was fab.
She settles down for bed easily, but we're a bit hampered in that most of her belongings are scattered around. If her belongings do not turn up Wednesday we will have to go shopping to get a few basics.
Wednesday - kids!
First thing first - I have a training session on Monday that I need to print off the handbook for - I don't have a printer so find online a library with a printer and like a sad sack go to said library to print off my handbook.
OK job done.
Perry was all good this morning though upset she couldn't do PE because her gym clothes aren't here. Whilst she's at school I buy the ingredients for meals she wants to cook for dinner. Her cooking was fab Tuesday so I might as well indulge.
During the day I send several emails back and forth trying to track down Perry's possessions and in the afternoon they are dropped off by a support worker, yay!
When she gets home from school she is dissapointed she couldn't do PE and she was excluded from all her other classes, but she is happy about her belongings and that she gets to cook tea again. Me too, as it was well yum.
Thursday - kids!
Today is Perry's last full day with me. She's doing okay. She still likes to take total control and I have to keep pulling her back in, with me being the parent in the situation.
She gets up for school without issue and is back on time in the afternoon.
Whilst she's at school I do some gardening and unfortunately notice more damage to my property done by Hassan so I ring the police to add to the previous report. It's transpires he really did try quite hard to get back into my house attacking my door with a spade.
I have a training course on Friday and so I do the homework I am supposed to be beforehand.
There is a problem with my pay (again!)
When Perry gets home from school she is quite hyper. I think its nerves coming out. She's moving to a different carer tomorrow but has told me she does not care. I think she does deep down.
Bedtime is a bit difficult today but on the whole its a pretty good day. Nothing like Hassan in the slightest.
Friday - kids!
Perry gets up bright and early. And I do mean bright. She's up before 0630. She's decided not to wear her school uniform today as she does not want to meet her new carer in it. I tell her this is a bad idea but still she goes in casual clothes. It's not worth an argument for me as she'll be going in an hour or so - though I do email her social worker to let her know Perry will probably be put in isolation over her uniform.
I head out to my training shortly after Perry goes. It is really useful again. A lot of heavy ideas and thinking but it is useful for sure.
On my way home on the bus my social worker rings and I know what they're gonna say before they speak as I had the same conversation two weeks ago. She's going to ask me to keep Perry, or more specifically have Perry back after she's left. This happened with the last Afghan boy I had too. As we're on a bus we can't really talk so my social worker rings me back an hour later - in this time the situation has changed but I'm still asked to have her back. It's a big fat no. Perry was a okay but I've got Lilo coming over for a weekend with me and I really like our time together, plus he doesn't like change. If he came over and there was another child here that he wasn't expecting it would be difficult.
I have the evening to myself and struggle a bit. The training course's content has upset me, but this seems to be recurring pattern!
Saturday - kids!
I had the night to myself last night. Didn't quite know what to do with myself. Actually I was a right sad sack and went to bed early. It was nice to have a quiet night though.
Today I have just Lilo. Before he comes I have loads of stuff to do. I need to wash Perry's bedding for one. Yes a lot of fostering seems to be doing the laundry. Around getting ready for Lilo I do some work from home.
I pick up Lilo and he's a very happy sausage. I've missed him too. It's fab having the evening just us two.
Sunday - kids!
As I've just got Lilo this weekend it's his special time and within reason I am happy to do what he fancies. Well now, he loves transport so I've offered to take him on a train somewhere. We head off to Bath. He is very excited by the train ride, but the question is what do we do when we get to Bath. Well, the answer to that appears to be get a bus around the city as he loves buses and now can say he has been on a Bath bus.
He's a happy little one. Me, personally, am bored stiff, but I am very happy he is happy. When we get home we play Lego too, until I need to take him back to his carer.
After I've dropped Lilo off I pop over to a friend's for a cup of tea and it's great to catch up. When I get in I have to write my report on Lilo's stay and send it off, which I duly do. I then read my workbook ahead of training on Monday. Oh and tidy the house, put Lilo's bedding in the wash and do some work from home.
More later as the week goes on....
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering inquiry form
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