Hello!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer shared foster care and cover emergencies.
Shared care is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency care are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 7hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights.
I've looked after 22 kids to date.
Monday - kids!
Today was a difficult day as I had a funeral to go to in another city. I am marked as available with social services but not until late afternoon or evening.
Mid-afternoon I get asked to take a girl I have had before but, knowing her behaviour since she was last with me, I am hesitant to say yes. Eventually I say no but get rung back within 30 minutes asking to take a boy who is under police powers of protection. My phone is about to die so I get the social worker to email me all his details. He has worrying issues but also manageable ones so I say 'yes'. But like a lot of times there is change. I get emailed back an hour later saying another home has been found for him but asking me to be the 'return address' for a child who is currently missing. As in, when they are found the police will bring them to me as their designated carer. I say 'yes' to the girl.. but then 30mins after that it transpires the boys room has fallen through so I could have either the teen boy or teen girl. I opt for the boy despite his issues. At least he is present for one.
I say I'll be home 630pm and I should have been except my bus gets caught in traffic. I am 10minutes late and the lad and his social worker are standing at the end of my path. A bit weird meeting this one. Last week in Boots, this week outside my house.
The lad, lets call him Hassan, comes in without fuss but seems a bit wary. The social worker is chatty but she's forgotten all his paperwork so I don't have anything to sign. She stays about 20 minutes whilst we chat about what has gone on and how Hassan's ended up where he is. After the worker leaves we order a takeaway and I make Hassan's room up. He's chatty and cheeky, and has already said a few worrying things (which I mentally take note of, ready to write down later).
He gets to bed well and before I head off I email my social worker to see how long Hassan needs a room for.
Tuesday - kids!
So today we don't exactly do much with Hassan as he sleeps in until about 130pm. Whilst he is in bed though I pop out to the shops and his social worker rings to check in on him. We discuss a few concerning issues. My social worker also emails in to see what's what.
In the evening Hassan's social worker pops by to see how he's getting on and if he needs anything. It's only Hassan's second day in care so it must be confusing. He's also dying for a cigarette which I won't buy for him. He's persistant that's for sure.
I myself get on with working from home whilst Hassan plays on the PS3 (he is out of education).
Wednesday - kids
Hassan has had run ins with the police in the past and so has a Youth Offending worker who visits him today. He is rather late having been given the wrong address to go to. Hassan seems pleased to see him and they chat freely. The worker offers us a lift to town and me and Hassan go pick up some second hand computer games and a cheap controller for his PS4. I spent more on a burger than on the games! - most were 75p.
When we get in Hassan is eager to set up his PS4 now we have a controller. Later on his social worker pops back over for the second time in two days but this time with a bag of clothes from Hassan's father and helpfully/unhelpfully depending on how you look at it, he's put a pouch of tobacco in the clothes bag. Hassan is excited by this, though, and as soon as the social worker leaves, lights up. Say what you want about addiction - his personality changes as soon as he has a fag.
In the evening I get on with work and report a few unnerving things Hassan has said to me. He's also stolen money from me.
Thursday I have training so I sit and work out how I'm going to get there and ask the Youth Offending worker if he can take Hassan out on Thursday. A bit late notice and to my surprise he says yes.
Thursday - kids!
Hassan is still here. Looks like he wont be moving on until at least Monday. Problem is I have training this morning and he has sticky fingers, and so it is arranged that his Youth Offending worker will take him out for a few hours. As he lives nearby he walks on over in the morning, picks up Hassan and takes him to town on the bus. I hop on my bike and cycle the five miles over to my training in the snow. Yes it is snowing. Also it turns out the route is super hilly and boy do I feel it. I struggle with a hill that has a 300ft elevation - I have to get off and push for a bit - and then I get lost near the office building I'm going to for training.
Training though, I must admit, was pretty good. I enjoy it no end. It's drugs and substance misuse, an apt topic as Hassan is a drug user. Lovely.
The cycle home is much easier and I get in three minutes before Hassan is dropped off.
In the afternoon I ring my social worker to discuss whether Hassan should stay with me longer. It's decided until Monday is 'acceptable' though I'm not completely happy about it due to his behaviours, current and past.
On the more positive side it is Lilo's birthday soon so I think about what gifts I may wish to get him.
I go to bed dead early as I am beat. Really quite shattered.
Friday - kids!
Hassan is still here as I've agreed he can stay until Monday. I'm not exactly happy about this, but not unhappy either.
I leave him for 90mins around lunchtime (don't forget he's not in school) and unfortunately he steals money from me again. Not a lot but I know he has, and so I tell him unless I get the cash back we won't go to town to get him some new clothes as promised. He ruminates on this and two hours later my missing money is put outside my bedroom door and an apology meekly muttered. As it's now too late to go I say we'll go tomorrow. He shouldn't steal but it's a big thing to return the money.
At lunchtime I saw another foster carer who mainly looks after Afghanis and so it was good to meet up.
I tell him he is not getting any pocket money despite it being Friday because he has stolen from me twice in a week. He thinks he'll get double next week then. Nope, na-ah. He will have to miss a week's money because he stole.
I get a lot of work done today which is good but am annoyed about the theft. Two lots of money stolen and a video game 'borrowed' - as in taken from my room when he wanted to play it, and returned later on.
Saturday - kids!
Difficult day today. Hassan is up early so we go to town for a few clothing items he needs. I explain the difference between 'need' and 'want' so we don't get that balaclava he wants, but rather jeans, boxers, socks and gloves he needs.
After he get back from town I pop out for a bit to have a cuppa with a friend, and alas whilst I'm out he steals again, or least tries to. Suspecting he might do this I left a 'trap'. Well not a trap as such but I put a piece of litter by my bedroom door, which he's kicked out the way when he's entered without realising it was even there. I can see he has been through my change pile again. But actually this isn't the worst. He's been through the other spare room and turned it over. This upsets me as he has gone through Lilo and Stitch's toys and scattered things everywhere. He has also gone through all the cupboards in kitchen hunting for god knows what, but it's obvious he's been through them.
Luckily all knives, chemicals and such are locked up all the time, and he hasn't managed to get in that cupbard.
I ask him why he's been in the other spare room. Initially he says to get a blanket, and then he said the cat did it. I'm not joking. I ask him why he's been in my room again and he hasn't denied it but rather says it doesn't matter because he hasn't found anything he wanted. He doesn't even make an attempt at an apology so I go upstairs to calm down for a bit. Later I try to talk to him about it and he's still not sorry, not even fake sorry. I tell him it's not acceptable, and trust is an important factor in life. He will have to move to another carer on Monday regardless of whether one is ready or not because it's been established that I can't leave him alone at all, and I need to get on with work and errands.
I ring out of hours when they begin at 5pm, and report the incident but also stress that he cannot stay beyond Monday for the above reason. Around 6pm he comes to my room to apologise but only because he wants me to cook tea not because he's sorry. After I do tea he asks for cigarettes again and to bring a girl over. When I say no to both he asks why and I explain firstly these things are flat out not okay, but also even if allowed it would be a 'no' due to his behaviour.
Later on he asks if he can go out at 10pm, even though I've explained his curfew is 10pm. When I say no he asks if he can stand in the garden and talk to girls, so he's not actually left the house. I said he has to be physically in the house by 10pm otherwise he'll be reported missing to the police. As he's on probation he quickly backs down and settles down to some PS4.
I go to bed early. His constant pushing is tiring for sure.
Sunday - kids!
Another difficult day with Hassan. I wont go into the details but it ended with another phone call to out of hours reporting his behaviour as well as me noting down a raft of offences he claims to have committed but gotten away with.
Sunday night I type up my notes for him, sending them to my social worker and his, I make it clear he absolutely cannot stay beyond Monday morning.
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering inquiry form
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