Hello!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 5hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights.
I've looked after 18 kids to date, aged 5-16. Mainly kids aged 12+.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Monday - kids!
My regular respite pair are here for their longest stay with me to date. All the arrangements were done with their main carer last week. I have just worked a long night though and have to sleep before picking them up from school, but only manage about 2.5hrs in the end. They're excited to see me. I have to take them out this evening which is unusual for a weekday, but its for a special event.
This means they wont get in until after bedtime and so we talk about sleeping in in the morning. Their beds weren't quite made up either as I hadn't had time since my last kid.. they dont seem to notice the small amount of disorder around them.
They're happy and chatty, overall, but I'm sleepy. Early night for me once they're in bed.
During the day my social worker emails to ask when she can come and visit me this week, so we sort that out.
Tuesday - kids!
The kids get up and to school a okay. No issues. I then have until 3pm to work from home, except I kinda have to catch up from the previous young person to stay. Monday I did wash his bedding but it didnt dry in time so Stitch had to use a sleeping bag. I also hadnt fully tidied yet.. so I get on with these tasks in the morning.
Late afternoon the kids' social worker emails to say the school have been in touch and Stitch hasn't been eating her lunch but throwing it on the floor instead. Sneaky.
The kids are duly picked up at 315pm, and we have a good evening playing games and Stitch helps me in the garden. They get off to bed no problem.
Wednesday - kids!
Still, still here. I haven't lost them.. .yet. The kids get up well and ready for school no problem.
My social worker comes around to check in on me as I haven't been feeling 100pc okay. It's a bit weird. I don't really know what to say. I can be very inarticulate sometimes even though generally I can get across what I mean. I just want to sit and fiddle but I try my best to chat. We disagree on a few things, with the key one being the level of support I get which has become a sticking point.
I get an email from social services detailing the training course I am doing on Thursday, and to my pleasant surprise another carer I recently met who lives near me messages me asking if I'm going, and if so, do I want a lift? Yes! Better than a million buses.
The kids have contact in the evening. This means they get to see their mum with a support worker present. They get back a bit late and I worry as I do not have the support worker's phone number. When the kids return they're bouncing as mum has bought them toys. They take a while to settle for bed and in the end with Lilo we have a difficult night. He gets up multiple times and does not settle until 11pm. Far to late for most adults let alone a little kid. Not only is he gonna be shattered in the evening. I am too.
Thursday - kids!
We had a very late night last night with Lilo and so we are all tired in the morning. He struggles to get to school and we all run late. I have training first thing and am late for my lift so end up running down the street to where I'm being picked up.
Training is at social services office in town. The one where our supervising social workers hide out. Training was really useful. Only a handful of people turned up and one social worker facilitated but it was a really good evening.
I get back with about an hour before I have to pick up the kids and I am tired! I take an hour for myself and sit in the garden and relax... then off to school I go. The kids are bouncing for the evening but bedtime is hard again with Lilo refusing to stay in bed and threatening to walk out. I mean literally saying he's gonna walk off to mum's. I stop him, four times. Once I do get him to bed properly I ring out of hours support to report this and that I had to hold him back. I don't mean restrain him as we can't do that. I mean I hugged him with an arm around the shoulders until he calmed down. He is only little but its still a threat to be taken seriously.
During the day I ring my social worker regarding a pay issue and hope that it is sorted.
Friday - kids!
Again it is hard to get Lilo to school. Stitch has had loads of sleep so is bouncing around which aggravates Lilo even more. He sits on the floor and refuses to budge for a good while. Once I get him out the house he starts walking off to mum's until I tell him to stop then he walks in the direction to school... well.. and then sits on the pavement in the rain. So I walk with Stitch and sensing us going he catches up, but then has to be encouraged rather strongly to get to school.
I'm not angry or anything close to that, I'm just tired. I understand he's taking his frustration out on school and being tired has aggravated things. Once I get home from dropping them off I have a few hours to myself. I love the kids to bits but it is rather tiring. I don't know how single parents do it!
My social worker gets in touch to say my missing fees payment will be made in two weeks' time, but with no explanation as to why I wasn't paid on time in the first place...
I pick them up 3ish and we play Lego all evening. Bedtime again is more difficult that usual but an improvement on Weds (11pm) and Thurs (930pm) as Lilo gets off around 815pm. This means I have a bit more time to myself but I am shattered so go to bed early.
Saturday - kids!
I still have the kiddies, and Saturday is the day that we usually go out. I always let them pick and choose within reason. They've asked if we can go to Subway, and then pick out a small toy each from The Entertainer. I tell them that this will be their weekly treat and they seem happy with this.
Stitch has a habit of taking out toys with her, losing them and being upset. She wants to take out a small doll in a carry case. I know what's gonna happen. The case will open and the doll will drop out somewhere around town. True enough it does but luckily a teen boy picks up the doll and gives it her back. She's lost half the carry case though as it's tumbled away, but to my surprise she is not crying or upset. I talk to her about this later and she said 'well you told me the doll was my responsibility if I took it out with us, and I lost part of it, so I know I wont be getting a new one'. I'm not sure what I think about this to be honest. It's good she's taking it on board... but I'd be upset if I lost part of my toy!
Town was fun. Subway was a new experience for me - yes I've never eaten a Subway before - the kids love it which is the main thing. Aside from picking out a new small toy each we go to a second hand video game shop and pick out a child friendly game for the XBox. When we get in we start playing straight away and the game goes down well, though the storyline starts of slowly.
The kids are relaxed and happy. Bedtime is not as smooth as it should be but still better than the previous night. Lilo gets up and down a few times, but is asleep by 8pm. Stitch is no bother at all - how things have changed. When I first started to look after them it would be Stitch keeping up all up.
Sunday - kids!
Today is the last day of my first week with these kids. I have had them for lots of weekends but this is the first whole week. Boy its felt long. But we all know the drill. On a Sunday we do not go to town but find something local to me to do, or do something in the house. They've asked bake a cake. Yay! This sounds fab, plus we'll eat up some of the time popping to Tesco to get some eggs. They love baking and take turns adding the ingredients to the mixing bowl. Stitch manages to get cocoa powder all over her white top and pink leggings though. Oh well. I was good yesterday and washed all of their clothes up until that point so going back to their carers with only a small amount of dirty washing is no bad thing.
When the cake comes out of the oven they want to ice it straight away and seem perplexed I've left it cool on a wire rack in the kitchen doorway. They're eager to gobble it down but whilst we wait we play games. Overall the day is smooth until about 5 mins before they have to return home to their main carer. Lilo flat out refuses to leave my house until I am quite stern with him, but being literal he leaves my house, and then sits on my doorstep. And then pavement, and then pavement a bit further down the road. Eventually he walks fine back to his main carers but when we get there is difficult to get inside the house. After about an hour stand off outside with him refusing to come in, I 'trick' him into going inside by pretending I was. When he runs in, his carer locks the door behind him.
That's it. Respite over. But I am exhausted. I'm also running an hour late and I was supposed to be going to see my foster buddy for a chat before their holidays. Its a two mile walk. I still go but only get to stay for about 30mins before they have dinner. On the way I ring out of hours to report the issues with Lilo so they're aware. - A child not coming into a home is something of concern.
On the way home I pop into a friend's for a cup of tea and don't get in until gone 10pm. I want to do my notes on the kids tonight though. These are notes to go to my social worker and the children's social worker. They detail any events we did and anything unusual about their behaviour. So Lilo's refusal to go to bed, crying, problems going to school and threats to leave my home/ run away are included. I get to bed late but cant sleep as I worry about the little ones. Still I have work in the morning so do need my rest.
I will miss them when they're gone.
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
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