Hello!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 5hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Monday - no kids
I come into this week with one respite booking for Wednesday into Thursday but nothing else as yet. I let my social worker know which days I'm currently free in case anything comes up.
The lad I have coming on Wednesday,Dave, is only staying one night because when he was booked to come I had a full week of bookings bar mid-week however the other bookings have since been cancelled. It happens.
I contact his carer and discuss what food he might like so I can pick it up in time and we check transport arrangements and timings. I am checking about food because food is such a basic need and I do not want kids to feel like they're going to respite as some sort of punishment or because their carer does not like them, so by ensuring I have food they'll definitely enjoy is one way to help make respite easier. We settle on cheesey pasta bake, garlic bread and salad for Weds tea with chocolate yoghurts for pudding and Cheerios for breakfast.
I would recommend always trying to have a good relationship with a child's main carer if possible because you need to talk to them about basics like this but also feed back on how the child is getting on. I'm not saying you need to be best friends with someone you otherwise would not have met, but its healthy to have a good professional relationship at a minimum.
Before its even 9am my plans change slightly however, as another carer asks if I will take her three children on the weekend for one night. I have had two of them before and have met the third but I only have two spare beds. Literally. But I think I can put a camp bed in the spare room, in fact I go measure the space. I know its not ideal but as a one off 'needs must' type situation, then this is a okay.
The carer tries to get in touch with her social worker but is unable to however as it happens I shall be seeing them later at support group. You cannot just pass kids around between you - your social worker needs to agree, ideally the kids social worker needs to be informed, and also the finance team need to know so they pay the correct person.
I don't ask my social worker yet because she doesn't tend to reply to emails on a Monday, so I wait until I see my carer friend's social worker first....
... which I do as at lunch time it is the monthly support group near me. I walk the two miles as I have no lift today. It is held in the local community centre where there is a toddler group beforehand. When I get there I'm 10 mins early so only three carers are present - three I've never met so I introduce myself. As time goes on about 20 carers turn up in total.
This support group includes free lunch which is obviously the best bit!
Nah. We use the bigger room today as there are five baby carers each with 1-2 babies and therefore car seats or prams. We all sit in a circle and introduce ourselves, say how many kids we have at present and how we're getting on. I'm second this time, and have a lot to say but I'm also very tired so my words are a bit jumbled.
After we all talk a little in a formal way, it is lunch and then just chat amongst ourselves. It is good to air issues you're having as other carers can help with the problems or come up with suggestions. Indeed I get about five ideas for one of my issues.
One of the carers who was at the meeting early on who I said hi to whilst we were waiting for everyone else happens to live near me I find out. And, even stranger, used to look at Lilo and Stitch (and their older siblings) about four years ago. So we chat about them and I show her some recent photos of them. It is such a small world. She offers me a lift home and we exchange phone numbers.
By the time I get home due to working last night I've been awake about 24 hours, and so head off to bed. Well I email my social worker about the proposed weekend respite first. I struggle to sleep though as, well, its the wrong time. I think that's the cause, but staying up for support group was worth it. When I wake up I haven't heard back yet from my social worker so it's not officially agreed yet.
Due to lack of sleep I feel awful. Three hours in about 27 by the time I wake up doesn't cut it. I feel very sad until I've had a decent dinner.
I have a meeting at mine Tuesday so I think a little about that and tidying up the house.
Tuesday - no kids
I wasn't asked for any kids on Monday, probably as I have Dave on Wednesday. I do however have a meeting this afternoon and have a good old tidy up before then. Just to make the house look more presentable! Though I'm not that tidy anyway, the house looks better.
During the day social services send out an updated training schedule and there are two courses that interest me so I email my social worker to ask if it's okay for me to sign up. For newbies there are 10 mandatory courses and two optional and for carers of one or more years' experience there are a bunch of more specialist courses plus three foundation ones you have to do once every three years.
In the afternoon a lady from Branch Out pops along to talk about what it is. It is a type of care - for children aged 16+ - to teach them the skills to be independent - it is a bit like having a lodger, but a lodger who needs a helping hand. The meeting goes well I feel. The lady is quite relaxed and we chat for about two hours. She gives me some paperwork to read later. I also show her around the house.
You can apply for Branch Out having never been a carer but also you can do it in addition or instead of mainstream care. I'm thinking of having one room for respite and one room for Branch Out - to give a child some stability.
Once she's gone I continue working from home. I dont feel very well in the evening so I take a 'snooze' and snooze too long.
I've got Dave coming Weds and am ready for him. Room is made up, food is bought. We're all good.
Friday - kids!
I have three lads coming tonight for respite as their carer needs some time to themselves for personal reasons. One is due after school by taxi and the other two a lot later as both are coming by bus (they're old enough to travel alone) and one of that pair has detention so they'll both be late.
During the day I email my social worker about a few things and those get sorted. I was supposed to be having an intro meeting for a prospective new respite kid but it hasn't been sorted in time.
Dyfdd is due to come at 3pm but I get phoned during the day by his school to say he's unwell and he arrives at mine two hours early but I'd already arranged a cuppa with another carer and so still go out to that. I get back literally as Dyfdd turns up at mine, dropped off in a taxi.
He hasnt been to mine before so I show him around and chit chat. He then settles on the PS3. Five hours later the other two turn up. I was getting a bit worried until one of them text me they were on the way.
Both these lads have been to mine before, one a month ago, one eight months ago. The latter I show him around so he can see the things that have changed. He is a special boy in my head as he is the first kid I took as an emergency placement. He came into care to me and stayed about a month.
We order Dominos and settle down for the evening.
In the evening the carer for Lilo and Stitch texts and asks if she can phone about Lilo and we sort a time for Sat. Am a bit worried as she said they've had a 'terrible' night.
I get to bed a decent time and the lads are not tooooooo noisey. Well not at first but for some reason two of them have a long chat at 4am about nothing really.
Saturday - kids!
Dfydd, Kent and Herschel are no problem on the whole today. They're teen boys doing teen boy things. They argue, break up, make up, and play more PS3. They all get up around 1030am, earlier than they seem to be expecting.
I tell them they have to sort their own breakfasts and lunches, which they do, and I make us a home cooked meal for tea time.
The only real issue I have is one of them likes negative attention, so seems to purposely wind the others up, or follow me around witha glum face. You don't want to ignore this but you don't want to feed into the attention seeking behavior either. It's a difficult balance.
In the morning whilst the others are busy arguing Lilo's carer rings to update me on him and the difficult night they had. Boy, yes, it was difficult. They're really upset. I'm due to have Lilo and Stitch for daycare on Sunday but suggest I have them overnight too into Monday morning just to give the carer a little bit more of a break. Again as I mentioned Monday you can't just 'pass kids around' but as she's in contact with the kids' social worker (very unusual for a Saturday) she asks if I can have them overnight and the social worker immediately replies yes. From my end I can't just randomly take on a child for another night, and need to inform social services but as I suspect it will be fine I wait until 5pm when Out of Hours emergency support starts to let them know. I do. It takes a few minutes to explain and then we're sorted.
Dfydd, Kent and Herschel's main carer has agreed that I do not need to take them all the way home because they largely know the way and they're old enough to walk alone, plus it shows responsbility in them. They don't know my local area so I agree to walk them to the High Street from where they know how to get home. They're chatty as we walk and have really been no issue. Dfydd asks if he can come again every weekend thinking I'm always available. I explain that lots of kids come for breaks with me and my diary is quite full with my next slot in November. He asks for November.
Yes that's right, my diary is completely full for respite for 2.5 months, that's how many carers want and really need a much-earned break.
When I get in I type up my notes for the three boys and chat to a few other carers online. I know I've got Lilo and Stitch in the morning - I washed the bedding the boys slept on during the day - but I'm too tired to remake the beds; I'll do that in the morning.
Sunday - kids!
Lilo and Stitch need picking up at 10am and I'm up bright and early, firstly to sort their rooms, but secondly to have time to myself before my favourite hurricanes make an appearance.
When I pick them up they are happy and bouncey as normal. Handful too but a lovely handful. We play Lego xbox for most of the day. I also gardened with just Stitch and they really enjoed the attention. Unusually they are staying a Sunday night which throws me all out of whack. Usually they go to their main carer by 6pm but I did offer... so the kids stay into Monday.
Before bed I type up my notes on them so far. Then I conk out like an old man by 9pm. Wellll I will have to be up early Mon I suppose.
More later in the week.
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
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