Week in the life of a respite foster carer 8

Hello!

For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies.

Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.

Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.

I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.

Monday - no kids

So I am 'on call' all of this week as I have no kids planned to stay with me. In the morning I send my social worker a long boring email catching up with lots of things. I've completed my fostering standards (a long work book where you show you understand what fostering is with lots of examples) so I send her a copy of that to check over... once it's signed off I will get a payrise - in theory - but I know it might not happen straight away. It's only £7 extra per day but I'd quite like that as I'm finacially struggling. It can be really hard to make fostering 'work'. Its a difficult balance because to look after kids full time you ideally need to work from home or not have a job but if you're level 1 or 2 (new, or a year+ experience) you no money for you, or a small amount per week. Certainly not enough to live on. But you can't go to Level 3 unless you're full time. At that level you get £166 per week per child for you plus the child's allowance. Now, that's not a huge amount of money but it's better than a poke in the eye.
Problem is to get to Level 3 you have to be full time for at least two years at Level 2. At Level 2 you're only receiving £50 per week per child for you. And you cant live on that at all. So you need a partner that works or to work from home when the child is in school. Or you need to have savings or have paid off your mortgage. Either way things are going to be pinchy for those two years you're full time at Level 2 to get you up to Level 3.
You can however move to Level 2 as a part timer, up from Level 1. Which is what I'm trying to do. Its a lot of forms for those £7 extra per day per child but it all adds up. I know realistically I'll struggle to ever go full time whilst I have a mortgage.  If the council paid more, I could foster full time at Level 1. But alas they dont so I have to wait until I'm more financially secure.

Anyway social worker doesn't get back to me today so I go about my usual business.

Tuesday - no kids

So I wasn't asked for any kids Monday night so I get on working from home. Good thing too as house is a mess, somehow. I'm not sure how I do it but I am a little hurricane. Or maybe it's the cats when I'm asleep having secret parties. I resolve to at least have the spare rooms ready and bathroom cleaned if nothing else.

I do do lots of work from home though. I hear nothing back from my social worker either. I know she has a lot of carers to look after so this is starting to get a bit normal. I wont hear for days and then I hear lots all in one go!

Weds - kids, definitely kids

I nearly got through the day with no kids, but lo and behold five minutes to five my social worker rings. I know she's not ringing to talk about the weather but she still partakes in small talk though I try to get her to her point.

She wants to know if I'll take two UASM - that's Unaccompanied Asylum Seeking Minors. So two people who either are known to be or claim to be under the age of 18 who have entered the UK claiming asylum. They've entered foster care and will later have their age verified, but until then as minors with no parents or other guardians they are in care.

I ask her does she know anything about them. Nope. Well, only they entered the UK Wednesday. Does she know their names? No. Oh, she does know they're 15 and 16 apparently.  Anyway I agree to them staying but have to have an hour to tidy the house up. It's agreed they'll come 6pm or later. Fifteen minutes later a social worker from the respective team phones and gives me a time. 615 they'll arrive, giving me 75mins ish to tidy. Luckily the rooms were made up so its mainly the kitchen and front room. Doesn't take me 75mins so i spend a lot of time staring out the window. Waiting.

615pm comes and dead on time a car pulls up with three social workers and two lads. You know its 'serious' where there is three social workers. Usually one will do.

They come in, sit down and it's apparent the lads don't speak a word of English. Two social workers come in and one minds the car (not sure why?). One gives me a bunch of paperwork to sign including a receipt for cash to use for clothes shopping as well as medical and placement forms. Whilst we sort this the other social worker explained how an interpreter service I'll be using to communicate works. Typically like with all good demos it takes ages to get through but I get how it works.

So we have a little conversation with the lads whilst the social workers are still at mine and we show them what will be their rooms. They have zero belongings and they smell quite pungeant. Nothing can be done about that til tomorrow though as they don't have any spare clothes to change into whilst their existing ones are washed. One of them I'm told has scabies and so in the morning I need to get treatment for that.

After the social workers leave we pop to Tesco for some food but this is largely pointless as apart from fruit and crisps they do not pick anything out. So I order a takeaway picking something that seems okay for them - chicken with rice and chicken kebabs. I make sure its halal and they do eat it.

They go to bed 10pm ish with no fuss. Through an interpreter I tell them we'll go clothes shopping in the morning.

First night of potentially five done and dusted.

Thurs - kids still

So I had two lads who know about five words in English and really had two tasks for the day. Take them clothes shopping and go to the pharmacist.

OK so first job, the pharmacist. That was a bust. The one nearest me didnt have the treatment for scabies, however conveniently four doors down is a halal butcher so I pop in there and ask if anyone speaks pashto. Yes! I'm in luck. So I ask the butcher to ask the lads what food they like and they pick out chicken noodles, chicken pieces and chicken burger. I think there is a theme here... oh and also nectarines, grapes, bananas and chewing gum. They did have a good natter to the butcher. Probably exclaiming to him they're being made to live with a nutter (me; hehe). Obviously I have not a clue what they're saying... Well that's not entirely true, as I know a handful of words oddly.

We get home, cook up the chicken burgers and they have a meal they seemingly enjoy. Via the interpreter I then explain we need to go to town to do their clothes shop at Primark and go to a larger pharmacist to get the medication that one needs. The interpreter also explains about the buses and sticking with me so they do not get lost. I had written out a shopping list in English and pashto... socks, underwear, trousers, etc etc.

Seemingly double decker buses are a novelty. We sit on the top deck and as the bus does its first right hand turn one lad holds on for dear life gripping his seat like he's on the back of a motorbike. He does this the whole way and giggles to himself.

We get to Primark no problem and make our way over to the mens/boys section and I gesture to them they need to pick out socks and pants, pointing to them on their shopping list.

Nothing.

So I ring the interpreter who explains what they need to do.

But darn, I forgot to get her to ask about sizes, so I make a guess myself one lad is a small and the other medium for waist size. I point to the M on a pack and demonstrate with my hands extra small, small, medium and large. One lad gets it, the medium lad, and throughout the rest of the shop he only picks up items with a M on the hanger. Eventually the small lad gets that S is small and his size, too.

As we go round the shop I point to each item on their list, and gesture with my fingers how many of each item they need to pick out... they seem surprised they can have two, three, four of some things, and actually struggle to buy as many items as they need, such that we only spend half their budget.

Nevermind.

Through the interpreter I suggest we use some of the spare money to get some new trainers from Sports Direct and they like this though immediately gravitate to shoes way beyond their budget price wise. After I explain costs by pointing at prices very crudely, they both pick out very brightly coloured £30 trainers.

On the way home I ring the interpreter again to explain to them they need to shower and change into their new outfits and that I'll wash their old clothes. This goes off without a hitch and afterwards we walk to a cricket club to watch the World Cup on a big screen. They half enjoy this. They love cricket. They don't like walking. The 25mins each way seemed a lot for them. Maybe they had sore feet. I don't know. Rest of the evening, they watch cricket on my tablet.

Before bed the interpreter tells one of them how to apply his medication. Off to bed we all go. I am shattered and we all sleep in in the morning.


Friday - kids still

So my new lads are still here but I've heard they may be moved today to a long term carer who can better meet their needs. I understand my council has been looking across all of the UK and has two leads. The best of these is in the next county and seems like a yes.

So I think they're moving but I'm not quite sure until my social worker rings midday ish and confirms, yes they will be moving but we are not sure of the time or where to yet. So where does that leave me? Well we can't go out anywhere properly in case they need to be picked up. They also need to pack their bags for when they do move on.

So, through the interpreter I tell them we need to pop to Tesco to get food for lunch and I need to go to the Post Office. We were also going to  pop to a games shop to get a decent Xbox game to play this afternoon but one lad objects to the walking when he realises we are walking away from my house. So we head on home where they watch more cricket and I do them chicken burgers for lunch.

After lunch I get a phone call to say a car will pick the lads up in 30 minutes to take them to their new home. So I ring the interpreter who tells them this news. They’re concerned. They’re manner clearly changes and one asked how long the drive will be. I tell the interpreter ‘up to one hour’. I was honest but this adds to their concern. They say they want to stay in Bristol, and I tell them it’s not my decision where they go but that I’m sorry. As the car is supposed to come in 30 minutes I get them to pack their bags and then we sit and wait. However five minutes to 2pm a social worker rings to say there is a delay – paperwork – and so the lads wont be moving just yet.

We kill some time doing as they put it ‘ABCs’ – earlier via the interpreter they had asked to learn some basic English. I know the Arabic alphabet which is similar to Pashto, so write out the English alphabet and where there are equivalents, put in the Pashto version. I also do number 1-10 and how to write their names in English. When I nip upstairs one boy practices his handwriting but gets all shy when I come down again. I think it was medium boy.

I get anxious that they won’t be moved. I get the interpreter to tell them there is a delay in their car coming and they look both dejected and relieved. I don’t know when their car will come now and we have to twiddle. One lad decides to take a nap whilst the other watches soaps on my tablet. Later the boy who took the nap gets impatient and keeps gesturing to me to ring the social workers back. I tell them they will ring me when they’re ready. They do, about 4pm to say the car will come around 5pm. Small lad is napping again and medium lad is a bit bored. So I take my tablet and ask him short questions using Google translate.

He seems to open up a bit.

I ask him where he came from. I struggle at first to understand him and he speaks more slowly for me. I catch the relevant word, the province he is from, and Google it. I bring up pictures and he recognises home. Its mountains, mountains and more mountains. I tell him its beautiful. We scroll through pictures of the local area. Many have a crop in them that’s some dark green leafy vegetable so I ask him about it. I get somewhere with him a bit until small boy wakes up and asks, well, practically tells me, he wants to watch cricket on the tablet. He wants to know when the car is coming – he was asleep when the social worker rang.

Literally two minutes after he awakes, I see a car pull up and go outside to speak to the social workers who ask if the lads know they’re moving. I say yes, but say they’re not happy about it. One social worker tell me ‘tough sh!t’ essentially. I update the social workers, saying we’ve been clothes shopping and to the pharmacist and that each boy now has two bags. One full of new clothes and one with their old clothes and shoes that have been washed. I go get the boys. Small boy, the one who’d been seemingly so impatient, actually seems shocked he’s moving whilst medium boy comes along with no fuss. I give the social workers the change from their clothing budget as well as the receipts from the shopping trip.

That’s it. The lads handed over, to be driven to their next carer.

I struggle to sleep that night wondering what will happen to them. All sorts go through my head. Will they be able to stay in the UK? Were they really aged 16 as they claimed to be? What will they make of their new home? But I am also glad I don’t have them to Monday. I think small boy would have gotten increasingly frustrated and because of the language barrier I would not have known how to help them. 

Saturday – no kids

Because the lads didn’t go until 5ish, I wasn’t asked for another child for the weekend. If they’d’ve gone earlier, say the 2pm as previously thought, there could have been a chance of me getting asked for another emergency. I’ve had it before where a child has left at midday, and another has turned up at 4pm, the same day. But luckily for me as I’m shattered, because medium boy and small boy left so late, I’m not asked for any more kids. So Sat I had the day to myself. I really do need to catch up. I need to turn down the spare rooms and wash all the bedding as well as towels in the bathroom plus clean and tidy everything up. I also need to catch up on working from home and my garden needs some attention too.

I send my social worker an email updating her on how the 2.5 days with the two lads went. Friday on the group email was a request for respite for the next week I’m available so I reply to that whilst I remember.

Sunday – no kids

I have Sunday to myself too so I decide to go visit my family – who I can’t see when I have kids staying with me due to their risky behaviour. So I have a whirlwind tour and first off see my mum, and then sister and a niece and nephew, then go see my eldest niece who is in kinship care herself. We meet somewhere neutral – Wetherspoons – for dinner. It’s a bit awkward as in one sense she’s doing well, but in other senses she is struggling. She’s not getting on with her carer or her social worker. I invite her again to come and live with me but she won’t as she doesn’t want to leave her friends. I understand this, but still want her to live with me. Also she tells more ‘horror stories’ of what it was like living with her mum – my sister – before she left. My sister is in denial despite repeated involvement from social services, and we all find it hard that they’re allowing her to keep the other kids. It’s the elephant in the room. Sister does miss niece though. That’s clear. And niece wants to move out from carer’s but she isn’t going to return to sister easily. She wants her to apologise for all the bad things she’s done. Which is a very long list indeed and simply wont happen.

I also ‘chat’ over messenger to a brand new carer I know who along with their partner is currently thinking about which children to take on when they start fostering. This is a big decision indeed, and I am both nosey and excited for them. I recognise one of the kids mentioned as living with the same carer as a boy I’ve done respite for, but I don’t know the others. Will be interesting to see which children they start their fostering career with.

All the best, BF

NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form