Hello!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster care and cover emergencies.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 7hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights.
I've looked after 19 kids to date.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Monday - kids!
I finished work this morning and barely had I been in my home five minutes before placement rang. This is the team who try to find children places to stay. The social worker tentatively enquires: 'The system shows your room is free... is that correct?'. It is. But I think whether I want a placement tonight. I kinda do but I'm kinda tired too. So I say yes, only if they can come late afternoon after I've had a rest. As no one else is found during the day the lad comes to me at the agreed time. Dead on time. At the earliest possible moment. I said 4pm, he is here 4:01pm, I swear. I think he's been sat in the office at social services all afternoon.
He doesn't speak any English but is smiley and happy. Well on the surface. Deep down he is probably very worried. He has been in care about 10 days and I'm his second carer. I've had boys from his country before so am not to phased, however this chap is completely illiterate. The picture book I have helps him decide a few things though, like what he wants for tea. We use an interpreter for lengthy discussions though.
We order a takeaway but it takes an age to arrive so when it does, he gobbles it all down. He helps clear the table too even though I didn't ask. He is both shy and smiley. It's hard to know what to think, and I wonder what he is thinking too. Takeaways though very expensive are good for a first meal, as the kid is more likely to eat it, it's convenient, and gives an idea of things they like.
Only niggle is I'm unhappy he has arrived with his possessions in carrier bags. He should have a backpack or holdall, not plastic bags. This is something I will raise with his social worker when I see her.
During the day I requested some paperwork from my social worker and her manager which is duly sent. All good on that front.
Tuesday - kids!
I still have my new lad. Let's call him Teddy. I have now agreed to have him a week. He sleeps in in the morning which is fine by me, but if he sleeps too long he will go to bed late Tues and we have a meeting first thing Wednesday. I get him up 11am as a compromise. We immediatey go to a halal grocery shop near me and he picks out some foods he likes. As well as probably some he didn't but he was just filling his basket up.
When we get home I do his breakfast/lunch and then do some work from home whilst he sits and draws. In the afternoon I see him looking outside so asks if he wants to go explore the local area. After an appoinment in the afternoon I show him the local park and then we go to the supermarket to get toiletries. He's very happy with his toothpaste and brush!
During the day I've emailed his social worker to say I can keep him a week and she seems happy.
I am thinking of keeping Teddy long term but need to work out some logistics, and so contact Lilo and Stitch's carer to see if she thinks they'd be okay coming to respite if Teddy was with me. She thinks it will be fine. But she has news, she might not be able to care for them much longer, and so there is a chance that a new full time carer would be needed for them. Me. But I think this over and still want to push for Teddy. Lilo and Stitch might not happen but Teddy is with me now.
My social worker is awol so I haven't been able to discuss anything regarding Teddy, Lilo and Stitch but I am seeing her on Thursday, however something ideally should have been discussed today as we need to get things in place for Teddy for Monday. I don't even think she knows Teddy is in my care!
I have an issue with the phonecard I'm using to talk to Teddy, and try to sort this with the duty social worker (the one who covers yours if yours isn't around). He doesn't have the answer for me, but tries at least.
I have a meeting during the day with another carer who will be attending a meeting with me on Thursday.
Another carer has requested help in two weeks time, babysitting her boys whilst she has an essential appointment, so I say yes to that.
In the evening I took Teddy to the local mosque which he really enjoyed.
I am shattered though. Lots of emails, lots of phone calls. But you know, it's worth it. Trying to see Teddy play Call of Duty for the first time was comedy gold. Really.
Wednesday - kids!
Teddy is still here. In the morning we have a meeting about him with his social worker, me, an interpreter and a reviewing officer. This is a person who checks everyone is doing as they should be for the child. Small problem. I dont have enough chairs for five people so the interpreter sits on the floor for the duration. The meeting goes well and Teddy seems happy and contented. Well, as much as can be for a child new into care.
In the afternoon I get hold of my social worker to talk about a few things.
In the evening I take Teddy to a youth club. It's only two hours but it's two hours of newness and freedom. I take him, drop him off and agree to pick him up once it has finished. But boy do I get bored in those two hours. I don't have much spare money so it's not like I can go out and do stuff whilst he is there. I do pop in a few shops and look at the prices of things and go 'OMG'. I pick him up from youth club at the agreed time and we pop to Primark to pick up a few essential items he does not have, namely a jacket and a new pair of shoes. Yes, I know Primark is cheap, but needs must. At this juncture there is no point buying a £50 pair of trainers when you can get a £15 pair, and yes, I know they won't last as long... but....
In the evening I tell him the plans for Thursday which unfortunately would see him hang around an office building whilst I have a meeting. He asks if he can go out with a new friend on his own. I agree but with quite an early curfew.
Thursday - kids!
As Teddy is an older teen he can be left on his own for a few hours easily. So I nip out to my meeting whilst he is still in bed. He knows i'll be out when he is up, so it is not a surprise. I get back before him in the evening and get dinner on. I've told him dinner will be at 6pm and he's home dead on time. Am pleased as this was his first time out on his own.
My first meeting is a training course. To be honest the person leading it was a bit dull but one of the other people attending was very intriguing. Later I ask her social worker if he can pass on my contact details which he duly does and I get a lovely email off of her in the evening. We agree to meet up in the future.
My second meeting is with my social worker, her manager and another carer (the latter to assist me). I feel very unwell during it and want to run out several times but I don't. I do run out of words to say quite often so the other carer with me speaks on my behalf. I'm gutted. I don't know what's happened. Basically I'm told I've got the wrong end of the stick about, like, everything. I really don't know what to say. I feel dejected, useless and hopeless. But I've got a boy to look after so need to suck it up, a bit. This is not my advice to others, by the way.
I get a lift home and have a couple of hours until Teddy is due back. And boy do I need them. I'm fidgety, disturbed and just not okay. But in time, I settle. I'm okay enough by the time Teddy gets in. A bit teary but he doesn't notice, or least doesn't say anything. I'm pleased he got back from town on his own and he looks happy I'm happy, oddly.
Friday - kids!
Teddy was initially only going to stay until Friday but now he is staying until Monday.
Today I am working from home which he knows. He wants to go to Friday prayers and meet up with a friend afterwards. I prompt him to leave the house in time to get the right bus to the mosque and tell him to be home in time for dinner, which he is.
Whilst he is out I get on with working from home and potter around. I get a bit anxious if he will be back on time again.
In the evening I use the interpreter to tell him that on Saturday I need to go visit family because a relative has died. I ask if he wants to come with me but he does not, and so we agree he can let himself out in the morning but has to be back by 630pm in the evening.
It's a big test of trust and boundaries letting a kid let themselves out in the morning/day when you're out as it means they've been in the home alone. They could do anything whilst you are out and you would not know but Teddy does not want to come with me, so I agree that he can let himself out the back door and I'll be back on Saturday ready for him in the evening.
Saturday - kids!
I have to pop home today to visit family and have agreed with Teddy to leave him to his own devices. He's in bed when I leave and I get home back to Bristol before he gets home. This is okay because at 16 years old he is more than capable of being left alone for lengths of time. It's no different to him getting himself to/from college on his own or going out with mates. I think the key thing is that we've talked about it beforehand and it's not a surprise that he's been left alone whilst I go out. Also its a trust thing. I'm showing that I trust him in my house on his own.
When I get in I do us both dinner, as I said to Teddy I would. When you've had insecure food it is important to know when and where meals are coming from.
Later in the evening we play dominoes and a board game to help Teddy learn his colours and numbers and it seems to be working. He has picked up 1-12 no problem as well as the main colours. This sounds a bit patronising, but he has to learn English somehow and wont be starting college just yet.
Before bed I get the interpreter on the phone to tell Teddy he needs to give me his laundry on Sunday morning and that he will need to pack up his belongings Sunday evening as he is being moved to another carer on Monday. His face just sinks and it makes me really sad but my hands are totally tied. Literally nothing I can do apart from make his stay with me as best as possible.
I ask him through the interpreter if he fancies going to a cricket club on Sunday and yes he does. He seems quite excited by that. I let him relax with himself whilst I do some work from home before bed.
There is quite loud fireworks tonight and I have to explain to Teddy they are not bombs. Please think of others before you let off fireworks. Not just pets, but the elderly, war veterans and those from war torn countries.
Sunday - kids!
This is my last full day with Teddy. I ask if he wants to go out with his new friends but he is happy to stay in all day so that he is with me later on when we head out to cricket. I have to get on with working from home for most of the day though. I also need to do my notes for Teddy's end of placement.
For lunch I do him a home cooked curry with lentil dahl which he wolfs down. Its good to see someone eat all their food, especially if previously they would have been hungry for great lengths of time.
Only problem I've had with Teddy this week is trying to get him out of his room. He is conflicted. He definitely likes company but also being by himself too. Maybe he feels a bit awkward; I don't know. Though I do think he has had a good time with me. I am still upset he is leaving on Monday however.
In the late afternoon/early evening we head to a cricket club that offers free sessions on a Sunday. I've not been before so it's new to both of us. It was really good! I mean, I do not like cricket but Teddy enjoyed himself no end and both the coach and other kids made us feel welcome. After cricket we headed home for dinner. Teddy packed up and using the interpreter I wished him good luck and said he needed to be up in time to get picked up by 10am on Monday morning.
It's been a good week overall. I'm glad I said 'yes' even though I know I'll miss Teddy an awful lot. That hurt is worth it as I know, or least strongly suspect, Teddy has had a good week with me. Well as good as you can with two people speaking different languages and trying their best to understand each other.
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering inquiry form
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