Skip to main content

Week in the life of a respite foster carer 16


Hello!

 For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster care and cover emergencies.

Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.

 Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 15mins and most 5hrs. Some of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was 21 nights.

I've looked after 18 kids to date.

I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.

 Monday - no kids

I don't have any kids in the diary today and I'm away Weds onwards so though I'm marked as available I don't really expect a phone call because any kid would only be able to stay with me until Tues evening. One overnight is generally not that handy. If you're only free one night you'd only be used as a last resort, ie the kid stays with you or in a police cell. A last resort because its better that the kid stays somewhere offering the maximum amount of stability.

If you are a respite carer or emergency carer and you need to go away, you just let your social worker or placement team you're unavailable, so for Weds and Thurs I've marked myself away.

In the morning I send my social worker an email with a number of updates and a few things that need a response, though I don't hear back.

I do get an email from another social worker regarding me possibly hosting a 'skills exchange' in the future. This is where one foster carer who knows a lot about a given subject talks to other foster carers who want to know more. I proposed hosting a skills exchange on tackling offensive language / promoting positive language around LGBT issues.

On Friday I have Lilo and Stitch back for a weekend so I contact their carer about pick up arrangements for Friday.

It feels so quiet in my house tonight. Two weeks ago I had two primary aged kids running around. Now, well, it's just me.

Tuesday - no kids

I didn't get any kids last night and I know I wont be asked tonight as I'm away Weds and Thurs. Nothing in the world of fostering happens today. Or Weds, or Thurs.

Friday - kids

I got back from my mini break late on Thursday and the house looks a mess. I have Lilo and Stitch's carer over first thing to drop off their belongings ready for the weekend. We have a 30 min catch up about the kids and I show her their rooms as she's never been here before.

They're due to be collected from school at 430 as one has a sports club so the other has play club. As I've been away I need to catch up on my business from home in the morning, and then do my notes for a meeting I'm having with my social worker at 1pm.

The meeting is very upsetting and gets interrupted by a phone call from school asking me to pick Lilo up early. I cant as I really need to do this meeting.

Lilo is aggressive when I pick him up. Throwing and upturning things in the school reception area but settles well when we're home. As we get soaked going to and from school (to get Stitch later too) we have a takeaway for dinner. Bed time is no issue but I'm shattered.

Saturday - kids

 It's Lilo and Stitch's 13th respite with me, and they know the drill. Saturday we go out. It's difficult sometimes though because one of them has not always behaved the best, but the other has been good as gold, and so it's hard to decide whether to still take them out. Today its Lilo being on 'best behaviour' and Stitch being really difficult. I get a lot of 'I hate you' and stomping off from Stitch. I get nothing at all from Lilo, which is remarkable considering how aggressive he was yesterday.

I take them out to town and spend some vouchers they have, and then we go to Subway for lunch. Their choice. At least it's on the whole healthier then Pizza Hut and an awful lot cheaper too. We also pop into CEX to see if there are any decent second hand PS3 games and I pick up a few for them and a few for much older kids.

On the way home we pop to the park in Eastville and go to the duck pond. They enjoy running around the woods nearby and the park is really pretty, I must admit. We get home late afternoon, have tea and get into our bedtime routine. They get off to bed easily, but again I'm shattered.

Sunday - kids!

The kids are due to go back to their carer after dinner, so a whole day to fill. This is easy mind. They ask to bake a cake so we pop to the shops to get the ingredients and duly bake said cake. It doesn't taste that good. It's okay. It's a cake covered in chocolate so of course the kids like it, but it's not really that good.

During the day I garden with Lilo who enjoys digging great big holes in the front garden really for planting shrubs. The fork and spade are nearly as big as him so it's quite comical. He's surprisingly deft of wielding them and promises me he will not stab himself in the foot with the fork. Oh dear. Imagine if he did.

Stitch happily plays computer games whilst we garden, and tea time goes well, as does packing up their belongings. However when I tell them I am taking them back to their main carer Lilo has a wobble, announcing that he is going to run off. Except he doesn't. It's for effect and as I don't rise to it, he calms down and plays happily again. I take them home with no hiccups.

Afterwards I have about an hour before a friend popped over. I have a mini tidy and then type up my notes for Lilo and Stitch to send to my social worker and their social worker. My friend pops over but can only stay briefly due to poor buses on a Sunday. It is good to see them though. We chat about my foster kids and their foster kids.

Time for bed soon though. I am beat.

All the best, BF

 NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK

 We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why haven't you named your teddy? He should be called Dave

Fostering throws up a variety of kids. You get asked to look after children that match your capabilities and preferences but even if you had a room full of 10 year old boys they'd all be different, let alone ones that have been through a range of trauma and difficulties that led them to come into care. It is a fair to say that on average, children are on the more difficult end. I know that sounds horrid to say, but they are. It can take it's toll on carers which is why they often need breaks. However even the most well behaved little one can be a handful, simply because they're an energetic little soul, who likes to play and play and play some more. We had one of these recently. The most brilliant, bright boy you can imagine. His language and math skills are excellent for his age. He is articulate, funny, cheeky, and, well, full of beans. As soon as he got to my home, and checked out his room, we unpacked his bag and put away his clothes and his teddy on the bed. He t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Teenage kicks

Some friends of mine were asking me about fostering. They were curious. What does it entail? Who do you look after? Why do you do it? When you have these types of conversations, as soon as you say you look after teenagers many people reel back and exclaim 'you're crazy, why would you do that?' We at Bristol Fostering don't solely look after teenagers but predominantly, and to be honest, despite the hormones, strops, dating, school exams and navigating the world between childhood and adulthood, we find teenagers much easier to look after than little ones. Whilst their are some downsides to looking after teens (the aforementioned hormones for one) there are many pluses but many people are afraid to look after teens. Got to be honest the best bit is they need more sleep. Not that they're lazy, but their bodies, especially their brains, crave more sleep than youngsters. They literally need more sleep in order to develop properly, so unlike the average seven ye...
Post a Comment
Read more

Seeing potential

To most people my garden looks like a wild mess. To some people it looks untended, unkempt and unloved. To a few people, those who pause taking the time to sit and listen, they see its full of bugs and birds and hidden flowers. To me, I see my garden as a work in progress. I don’t see the snapshot others see. I see where it came from. Yes it was wild before, but a different kind of wild. It was harsh. It was brambles, ivy, overgrown hedging and a fallen down tree. I see the flowers growing where before were knots of ivy tendrils and vegetables sewn where previously only thorns were found. I see a repaired greenhouse and a rediscovered path. I see a new seating area, ponds and a bird bath. I see the potential shape of the garden in years to come. I see the jobs that need doing over summer, into autumn and over winter so that it shines again next summer. Why does this matter at all? Well because I know that years of neglect take time to heal. A garden no...
Post a Comment
Read more