Hello!
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies. I also work two jobs, have a lot of cats and a wild garden.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Monday - no kids!
Although its a Bank Holiday I am available for fostering but no one asks me so I have the day to myself, except I feel awful. I've come off of nightshifts with a stinking headache. I get some stuff done of use but not a lot.
I have Lilo and Stitch at the weekend and so I email their carer about pick up/drop off arrangements and get that all sorted.
Tuesday - no kids still!
My social worker has been on the longest holiday in the world. OK ten 10 but it feels like an age. I send her a big email of things i need her to do for me. She probably gets annoyed with me sometimes, especially as I'm only part time at present. But I need her to chase up my new ID card, I update her on my availability upcoming and a few things besides. Even though I know she's in the office I dont hear back at all Tues.
In the evening I have a training course called How and Why which is run by Thinking Allowed (part of NHS Bristol). I was supposed to do it when new to fostering but for various reasons I havent been able to. It is held at Barton Hill Settlement, a building that seems to be a community centre in Lawrence Hill. There are lots of other people waiting for various courses milling around.
The course itself is three Tuesdays in a row. Today is an introduction to the homes children in care may have come from. Of course in reality there are a huge range of possibilities and the ideas the participants come up with are quite stereotypical. We also think about how these homes may affect their behaviours once they have come into care. I meet a few interesting people and bump into a carer who did another course with me so we have a catch up.
I get home dead late.. glad I didnt have any kids today.
Wedsnesday - no kids
I'm on call til Fri but nothing. My social worker still hasnt replied to my email but I dont chase.
I go out to a close friend's for lunch and we have a catchup but both myself and friend are a bit blue. Still i very much enjoy her company.
I dont get asked for any kids so in the evening pop in to see another friend for tea and we have a catch up. When I get home I do some work for my business from home. I'm tired! Also a bit annoyed social worker hasnt replied. I know she's in!
Thursday - no kids
Still technically on call but no kids. Though admittedly I missed a call from a private number and social services call from one of those. Could have been lots of people mind.
So no kids - I go visit my family instead which I always find traumatic because I come from what social services lovingly refer to as chaotic families. But like all foster kids despite what's happened, and is still happening actually, I love my family. Visit is hard but I do it and come home and go visit a friend for a cuppa. That goes well but when I get home I crash. I'm overwhelmed. Emotional and tired. I hit the wall. Much like overwhelemd foster kids. I cant compute the life I had with the life I have now.
I havent been paid my fostering money for the third time in five months so I contact my social worker who says she didnt put through my payment as she was on hols (!). Not happy. She does reply to my other email finally though.
I've got Lilo and Stitch tomorrow so think about what me might do together.
Friday - kids!
I feel awful this morning when I wake up as still emotional from the night before but I need to get it together as kids are coming nine hours after I get up. A good friend chats online for a bit, which helps but I still got to clean and make up their rooms. Once all my chores are done i have the afternoon to myself so I do a few things I find relaxing including gardening.
I find out during the day that Lilo and Stitch wont be coming to stay much longer. In theory this could be the last visit tho its much more likely to be the next. So, feeling down anyway, I go have a little cry. I know this happens with fostering but I've looked after these two for seven months now as their respite carer. Even though one of the kids is a complete pain I'll miss them both. They're moving on from their main carer so wont need respite. I am gutted but will need to do my best to look after them whilst I still have them.
Kids come dead on time as usual and carer is lovely as always. Once carer goes, within 5 mins Stitch is screaming. This could be a long weekend.
Saturday - kids!
So Stitch wakes me up at 1am saying I need to put the duvet back on their bed. I do this time but tell them I wont next time... 6am they then wake me and Lilo up even though its not 7am which is the earliest I will get up - which they know.
From 6am they shout through my door and I explain I'm not moving til 7am. This sets up the pattern for much of the day where Stitch shouted, screamed and cries when they do not get what they want. However its tricky. I've got Lilo anyway, and he's behaved really well. Sooooo we still do go out for our day trip to the zoo, where Stitch behaves herself but as soon as we get back to mine there is much screaming, shouting and tears again. Both myself and Lilo are exhausted too, and Lilo even tells Stitch off for waking him up.
Bedtime routine goes off fine generally and I get them into bed for 730pm ish, however 5mins into being in bed Stitch throws off her duvet and screams I have to put it back on. I say I wont so she screamed full pelt for a good 15-20mins until Lilo gets up and does it for her. I'm exhausted after they go to bed but still do some work from home in the evening.
Sunday - kids!
A pretty awful day in the grand scheme. Stitch woke us all up at 1am and then from 5am she shouted til 8am when I finally got up - I told her I was lying in after being woken up earlier and on Fri night.
Most of the morning we have bouts of shouting in between playing nicely with Stitch. However at lunch time after telling Stitch off, again, for playing near the cooker whilst its on, on the penultimate time I tell her she wont have any desert we've baked. Five minutes later when she nearly knocks a pan onto herself by dancing by the cooker I stop her, point out what she's nearly done and tell her she wont be getting desert after lunch. Cue rage. Instant rage. And huge tears, and I hate yous over and over and over. For over an hour. Though every time she says 'I hate you' I tell her 'well I still really like you'. She seems not to expect this. As soon as the rage began its over when she spots a toy she wants to play with she comes and hugs me. It's random but it happens. Probably didnt help that she was overtired.
In the afternoon we do go to the park which is fun, but essentially most of Sunday was Stitch shouting, screaming and crying. I take them back to their main carer on the bus and chat to her about it. We're at a bit of a loss, She only acts up at mine. Siggggggggggh. I really like these kids but it was a hard weekend indeed.
After I drop them off I visit a friend to unwind and come home to my paperwork pile for fostering. Nah, its not really a pile but I need to do logs for the weekend, especially as there was quite a few negative incidences
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
For those of you unfamiliar, I offer respite foster carer and cover emergencies. I also work two jobs, have a lot of cats and a wild garden.
Respite is where you give either another foster carer or a child's family a break by having their child for usually 1-7 nights, quite often just one or two nights.
Emergency placements are where Social Services phone you and ask you to take a child that night for at least one night. I've done this a few times and least notice I've had is 30mins and most 5hrs. A couple of these kids have stayed just one night; longest was five nights.
I've decided to start twice a month keeping a diary of my fostering experiences as such a carer.
Monday - no kids!
Although its a Bank Holiday I am available for fostering but no one asks me so I have the day to myself, except I feel awful. I've come off of nightshifts with a stinking headache. I get some stuff done of use but not a lot.
I have Lilo and Stitch at the weekend and so I email their carer about pick up/drop off arrangements and get that all sorted.
Tuesday - no kids still!
My social worker has been on the longest holiday in the world. OK ten 10 but it feels like an age. I send her a big email of things i need her to do for me. She probably gets annoyed with me sometimes, especially as I'm only part time at present. But I need her to chase up my new ID card, I update her on my availability upcoming and a few things besides. Even though I know she's in the office I dont hear back at all Tues.
In the evening I have a training course called How and Why which is run by Thinking Allowed (part of NHS Bristol). I was supposed to do it when new to fostering but for various reasons I havent been able to. It is held at Barton Hill Settlement, a building that seems to be a community centre in Lawrence Hill. There are lots of other people waiting for various courses milling around.
The course itself is three Tuesdays in a row. Today is an introduction to the homes children in care may have come from. Of course in reality there are a huge range of possibilities and the ideas the participants come up with are quite stereotypical. We also think about how these homes may affect their behaviours once they have come into care. I meet a few interesting people and bump into a carer who did another course with me so we have a catch up.
I get home dead late.. glad I didnt have any kids today.
Wedsnesday - no kids
I'm on call til Fri but nothing. My social worker still hasnt replied to my email but I dont chase.
I go out to a close friend's for lunch and we have a catchup but both myself and friend are a bit blue. Still i very much enjoy her company.
I dont get asked for any kids so in the evening pop in to see another friend for tea and we have a catch up. When I get home I do some work for my business from home. I'm tired! Also a bit annoyed social worker hasnt replied. I know she's in!
Thursday - no kids
Still technically on call but no kids. Though admittedly I missed a call from a private number and social services call from one of those. Could have been lots of people mind.
So no kids - I go visit my family instead which I always find traumatic because I come from what social services lovingly refer to as chaotic families. But like all foster kids despite what's happened, and is still happening actually, I love my family. Visit is hard but I do it and come home and go visit a friend for a cuppa. That goes well but when I get home I crash. I'm overwhelmed. Emotional and tired. I hit the wall. Much like overwhelemd foster kids. I cant compute the life I had with the life I have now.
I havent been paid my fostering money for the third time in five months so I contact my social worker who says she didnt put through my payment as she was on hols (!). Not happy. She does reply to my other email finally though.
I've got Lilo and Stitch tomorrow so think about what me might do together.
Friday - kids!
I feel awful this morning when I wake up as still emotional from the night before but I need to get it together as kids are coming nine hours after I get up. A good friend chats online for a bit, which helps but I still got to clean and make up their rooms. Once all my chores are done i have the afternoon to myself so I do a few things I find relaxing including gardening.
I find out during the day that Lilo and Stitch wont be coming to stay much longer. In theory this could be the last visit tho its much more likely to be the next. So, feeling down anyway, I go have a little cry. I know this happens with fostering but I've looked after these two for seven months now as their respite carer. Even though one of the kids is a complete pain I'll miss them both. They're moving on from their main carer so wont need respite. I am gutted but will need to do my best to look after them whilst I still have them.
Kids come dead on time as usual and carer is lovely as always. Once carer goes, within 5 mins Stitch is screaming. This could be a long weekend.
Saturday - kids!
So Stitch wakes me up at 1am saying I need to put the duvet back on their bed. I do this time but tell them I wont next time... 6am they then wake me and Lilo up even though its not 7am which is the earliest I will get up - which they know.
From 6am they shout through my door and I explain I'm not moving til 7am. This sets up the pattern for much of the day where Stitch shouted, screamed and cries when they do not get what they want. However its tricky. I've got Lilo anyway, and he's behaved really well. Sooooo we still do go out for our day trip to the zoo, where Stitch behaves herself but as soon as we get back to mine there is much screaming, shouting and tears again. Both myself and Lilo are exhausted too, and Lilo even tells Stitch off for waking him up.
Bedtime routine goes off fine generally and I get them into bed for 730pm ish, however 5mins into being in bed Stitch throws off her duvet and screams I have to put it back on. I say I wont so she screamed full pelt for a good 15-20mins until Lilo gets up and does it for her. I'm exhausted after they go to bed but still do some work from home in the evening.
Sunday - kids!
A pretty awful day in the grand scheme. Stitch woke us all up at 1am and then from 5am she shouted til 8am when I finally got up - I told her I was lying in after being woken up earlier and on Fri night.
Most of the morning we have bouts of shouting in between playing nicely with Stitch. However at lunch time after telling Stitch off, again, for playing near the cooker whilst its on, on the penultimate time I tell her she wont have any desert we've baked. Five minutes later when she nearly knocks a pan onto herself by dancing by the cooker I stop her, point out what she's nearly done and tell her she wont be getting desert after lunch. Cue rage. Instant rage. And huge tears, and I hate yous over and over and over. For over an hour. Though every time she says 'I hate you' I tell her 'well I still really like you'. She seems not to expect this. As soon as the rage began its over when she spots a toy she wants to play with she comes and hugs me. It's random but it happens. Probably didnt help that she was overtired.
In the afternoon we do go to the park which is fun, but essentially most of Sunday was Stitch shouting, screaming and crying. I take them back to their main carer on the bus and chat to her about it. We're at a bit of a loss, She only acts up at mine. Siggggggggggh. I really like these kids but it was a hard weekend indeed.
After I drop them off I visit a friend to unwind and come home to my paperwork pile for fostering. Nah, its not really a pile but I need to do logs for the weekend, especially as there was quite a few negative incidences
All the best, BF
NB Bristol Fostering is a personal blog and not affiliated with any fostering agency. The author just happens to be a foster carer in Bristol, UK
We do recommend Bristol Council though as they're fab. Bristol Council fostering enquiry form
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